Have a Seat

When I think about it, all great Civil Rights movements started with someone sitting down. Rosa Parks & Claudette Colvin sat for the Montgomery bus boycott. It lasted 381 days but it was the spark for a national movement. Lunch counter sit ins were used in the 1960s with college students sitting silently at lunch counters all over the South.  

Hmm, now that I think about, mainstream America didn't like that one too much either. 

And now we have Colin Kaepernick who chose to sit down during the national anthem to bring awareness to issues of social injustices and racism. But wait a minute Kap..you can't mess with our football! A march in Baltimore or a rally in Baton Rouge, no one minded. But messing with football, which mainstream America loves right after Jesus and apple pie is downright unacceptable. 

If only the tenaciousness with which you defend this song you denounced institutionalized racism, police brutality (of some cops, not all), and the list goes on. 

Kap isn't speaking disrespectfully about his country or veterans. In essence, he TOO wants to make America great, except without the walls and name calling. It's possible to believe that America is the greatest country in the world yet still challenge it because you want to see it do better. If you got an F on your report card, would your mom accept that as your best? My mom wouldn't. 

So, to everyone up in arms about Kap calling attention to issues you still refuse to recognize...go have a seat somewhere. Oh, and don't mind me, I'm sitting too. ✊🏾

30 something

Whoever said they started to feel more confident and comfortable in their 30s is a damn lie. I've been "in my 30s" for a little over 2 years now & I don't know a damn thing. 

In your 20s, it's still socially acceptable to make mistakes & really not know what you're doing in this thing called life. Not good at saving money? It's cool, you'll figure it out when you're 30. You have a job but not a career? No problem, that's what 30 is for, settling into your career. Not married? It's fine, God sends husbands on 30th birthdays. 

What no one tells you about your 30s is that when you don't have the answers (just as you didn't have the answers in your 20s) you'll feel waaay worse. Should I accept this job? Maybe it's time to buy a house? Should I have a baby or get a puppy? (Either way you gotta potty train it.) Ah hell, just pour another margarita, I'll think about this tomorrow. 

So here I am...in my 30s (32 to be exact). Admitting that the only thing I know for sure is that I still don't know what I'm doing with my life and trash day is on Monday. But really, should I get a dog?

Graduation Folly

Dear Parents,

I know I'm going to ruffle a few feathers with this post and that's ok.  If you are easily offended, you should probably stop reading now and just wait 3 more months for the next blog post.  As we are entering into graduation season, please....

I beg of you....

Stop calling your child ADVANCING to another grade a GRADUATION.

I know, you're very proud of lil Ti Ti for completing 8th grade and moving on up to high school. And you prayed night after night that lil Ray Ray would pass all her final exams to get into Kindergarten.  But unless your child is graduating from 12th grade or 16th grade....It's not a graduation and I don't care.

The problem is, our society likes to celebrate moving up from 3rd grade to 4th grade like it's a huge accomplishment. And it's not.  It's like passing out trophies of participation to kids; it's a nice gesture but it makes the championship trophy meaningless.

We should be pushing all of our kids to graduate from high school and going on to higher education.  THAT is a real accomplishment.  No seriously, have you seen what standardized tests look like these days? Half of us wouldn't have made it out of high school.

Parents, I didn't mean to kill your vibe.  I'm happy you're so happy.  Just keep up that enthusiasm & zealousness as your kids grow older.  Trust me, they'll need it.

Shawty, I do mind.

Have I told y'all how much I dislike the music on the radio? Well one of my least favorite songs on the radio right now is "Shawty, I don't mind" by Usher. In this song he says, and I quote, "Shawty I don't mind if you dance on a pole, that don't make you a ho." His stripper 'girlfriend' has gotten an entire song written about her and how hard-working she is...taking off her clothes and dancing naked for strangers.

Buuuuuuut, who's going to make a song about me? I want somebody to drop 16 bars about me attaining two masters degrees, managing 30 staff.  Hell, rap about my vitae or my mutual funds.  If the only thing this generation of young black girls sees are strippers and Basketball Wives glorified, what do you think they will aspire to?

So, while you trap queens have Franklins raining on your body I'm going to continue to be the best Educator I can be.

This is me, watching my stock rise

So, who got bars??

MIXtapED Emotions

Remember back in the day when you liked someone. I mean reaaaally liked someone. You'd sit on the phone all night just listening to them breathe. You'd wear their T-shirts or jacket (ladies) just cuz it smelled like him.

And you'd make them a mixtape.

Making a mixtape was an intimate profession of your puppy love. You had to figure out the songs that perfectly described your relationship or your feelings. Then you had to put in work. Wait for the songs to come on the radio, and record them one by one; you were meticulously crafting your love story for your crush.  After you painstakingly decided the 8 to 12 songs that perfectly described your love (and fit on the cassette), you delivered the mixtape and hoped that your crush would feel all your feels as they listened. 

Maybe it's time to go back to that simpler day and age. Can you imagine compiling a list of songs you know your Instagram crush likes? (Wait, that's creepy, don't do that.)  How about getting a mixtape from your new boo or from your husband on Valentine's Day?  From now until forever, you would always have a copy of the soundtrack to your love.

What song would be on your mixtape?

Card Tricks

We've all been distracted. 

War. 

Terrorism. 

Racism.

Ebola. 

Karreuche. 

While we've been distracted with all of these grave and dire issues, Hallmark has steadily raised the prices on greeting cards. No longer can you go to CVS and get a lovely $1 card to express how you truly feel about your family and friends set to a rhyme. Now, cards range from $4.59 to $4037. I recently went to a wedding and after spending all of my money on a lovely card, I gave the new bride and groom a check for $9.41. In my note I wrote "Sorry I couldn't give more, but wasn't that card beautiful?" 

Well Hallmark, I'm on to you. 

I'll be watching you. 

Every step you take, every prose you make, Div is watching you.

Gimme More

Hey guys!!

I know...it's been a long time but I wanted to share my big news. Guess what? I moved! That's right this New York City gal no longer lives in New York City. And you won't believe where I moved. Baltimore Maryland!! Or, for The Wire fans, Bodymore, Murderland. (I kid I kid.) So far, I've really enjoyed the city. I mean, I haven't gotten shot yet so really what's there to complain about??

When I told my friends I was moving, a lot of them asked me why would I leave New York for Baltimore. Hell, even when I got to Baltimore people were asking me why would I leave New York for Baltimore. But, I was ready for something different.

I wanted to advance in my career.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't go out that much (besides the occasional happy hour).
And I am ready to settle down with my invisible boyfriend.

So, that's my big news! Believe it or not, I miss you guys. So I hope to give you a lil more from Baltimore.

Noerdlinger Syndrome

For those of you outside of NYC, you've probably not heard of Rachel Noerdlinger. Let me give you a little history. Rachel is the chief of staff for the wife of the mayor of NYC. So, here in Gotham city, it's kind of a big deal. And Rachel has a boyfriend, Hassaun. And Hassuan has a rap sheet. Recently, Hassan was in court fighting parking tickets & actually name dropped the First Lady of NYC. Bad move Hassaun. Many in NYC are calling for Rachel to lose her $170K/yr job due to her boyfriend's nefarious behavior.

While I think it is a bit unfair to fire someone over something their partner has done (although the name dropping was waaaayyy outta line Hassaun), I just want to talk to Rachel woman to woman.

Rachel girl. The hell you thinking? You've got a great job, making good money, raising your 17 year old son. The hell you need with Hassaun's ass? Girl, you can do bad all by yourself. 

You see, Rachel suffers from a form of Single Woman's Disease known as Successful & Black aka Noerdlinger Syndrome. You might know others with this condition, namely everyone's favorite mistress, Olivia Pope. (Yes, I know she's a character, just go with it.) These women with Noerdlinger Syndrome are beautiful, intelligent, smart, well respected, educated, and career-oriented but make horrible decisions in men. Specifically, settling for no good, half of, or a piece of a man. 

Noerdlinger Syndrome is very pervasive and the only known cure is kicking that no good, half of, or piece of a man to the curb. While the remedy may seem simple, it's actually very hard to do.  Women with Noerdlinger Syndrome know they should want better for themselves but keep getting pulled into the matrix of their feelings. Well ladies, feelings lie! Ok, that was a bit harsh. But sometimes your feelings will take you to a place your common sense is begging you to stay out of.

Exhibit A: Rachel & Hassaun

Parenting Advice from a Teacher

It's back to school time again!  Time for my annual advice to parents of school age children.  As someone with no children, I feel fully entitled to give parenting advice...because I'm an educator.  I've interacted with hundreds of children and their families and these are the problems I see year after year.

1. Put the iPads down.  I know it's free babysitting and free entertainment but you know how your eyes feel after staring at a computer screen all day? Why would you do that to your children.  Also, kids these days aren't developing the fine motor skills of children of yesteryear.  Why? Because swiping an iPad left or right doesn't require dexterity.  And they'll need that one day to, oh I dunno, tie their shoes.
2. Bedtime is important. Putting your children on a routine is paramount.  All kids crave structure.  And, did you know children's bodies require 10-12 hours of sleep? So, this going to bed at 10 PM and waking up at 6 AM nonsense might work for you, but not for them. Also, kids with bags under their eyes are statistically less cute than kids without.
3. Turn the cell phones off and talk to your kids. Most schools have a NO PHONE ZONE at school and lemme tell you why.  Too often, parents come to pick their kids up from school all with a phone attached to their ears.  They don't speak to or acknowledge the child, the teacher, or anyone else in the building.  Put your cell phone away and spend that quality time with your child.  You can get back on Twitter and talk to your friends at 7 PM, when your kids go to bed. (See what I did there...)
4. If you feed your kids McDonald's, they will crave McDonald's. Basically, you have to watch what your children eat.  I know parents who make separate meals for all of their children.  Who got time for that? I also know kids who refuse to eat green vegetables but will only eat McDonald's french fries.  As the parent, you set the tone for what your children will and won't eat.

Ok...go forth and have a wonderful school year!

Quiz Master

By now, I'm sure you're all familiar with Buzzfeed and it's inane and insane quizzes. Some of the quizzes are fun...some are asinine.  Since I too am fun and asinine, I decided to do a list of Buzzfeed quizzes I'd like to see. 

• Which Clark sister are you?
• In which city will you meet your husband?
• Should you have that piece of cake for dessert?
• Are you pregnant?
• Do you look better with long or short hair?
• Which Dugger are you?
• Bae or not bae?

What Buzzfeed quiz would you like to see?

Chicken Pot Pie

I know chicken pot pie is probably a winter dish but I DO WHAT I WANT!  And I felt like chicken pot pie this weekend.  I decided to make my own, lightened up version.  After all, I'm still on my quest lose approximately 300 pounds.  Anyways, the great thing about this recipe, is you can use whatever you have in your refrigerator or freezer.

Ingredients
Refrigerated biscuits
Boneless, skinless chicken breasts - diced and seasoned
1/4 c. Mirepoix (diced carrots, onions, celery)
1 TB butter or olive oil
1 TB flour
1/4 c. chicken stock
1/8 c. milk
Any vegetables you want
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees






1. Flatten each refrigerated biscuit and place in bottom of lightly greased ramekin.
2. Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 10 minutes
3. On stove top, heat 1 TB butter or olive oil and cook chicken and mirepoix
4. Once chicken is browned and vegetables have caramelized, dust with flour.  Mix until flour is incorporated.
5. Deglaze pan with chicken stock and milk.  Your chicken mixture should be nice and thick.  (If you have any other vegetables you want to incorporate, now is the time.) Season your mixture one more time.
6. Spoon chicken mixture into ramekins with half-baked biscuits.  Place another flattened biscuit on top of chicken pot pie mixture.
7. Bake for 20 minutes.

Mmmm....good.

The Secret

Now that I'm 30 (I'm gonna start all my blog posts like this from now on), I have learned the #1 secret about men. Ladies, throw out your Steve Harvey books, stop reading all those relationship blogs...I know the secret. 

The secret is: A man will wife you/commit to you/marry you when HE is ready. Nothing you can do, say, look like, dress like, or act like is going to speed up this process. 

It doesn't matter if all his friends are married. 

It doesn't matter if you can cook. 

It doesn't matter if you're a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. 

It doesn't matter if he's 40. 

It doesn't matter what Cosmo says are the Top 1000 ways to get a man.  

It doesn't matter if he loves his momma. 

It doesn't matter if he thinks you're amazing. 

If he ain't ready, he ain't doing it. 

Now that we've cleared that up, let's find that missing plane. 

Single Woman's Disease

Definition
Single Woman's Disease is the mental condition of being perpetually single while approaching or in your 30s.

How Common is it 
Scholars debate this number, but Single Woman's Disease is said to affect between 30-80% of Black women. Onset is typically after the age of 27.

Symptoms

• You've been on more bad dates than good dates
• You haven't been on a date in more than a year
• Every time you see an engagement, birth, or wedding announcement you want to barf
• You're parents speculate that you are a lesbian on the low
• You decide to get another degree since you've got nothing better to do
• You dip back to your ex 
• Checking your online dating app is the highlight of your Friday night 
• You've deduced that you will have to meet your husband on your living room couch, since you don't leave it on the weekends
• If one more person says "You'll find the right one when you least expect it" you're gonna go AWF!

How is it Diagnosed
If at any time you've been out with your girlfriends and uttered the phrase "N*66as ain't sh*t" ... you've got SWD

How is it Treated
Step into your amazing.  Live your life. Be the woman you always dreamed you would be right now.  Or, you know, that whole Prince Charming thing.

Countdown to 30!

So it's my birthday month...15 days til my 30th birthday and I am freaking...out.

I guess I always assumed that by my 30th birthday I'd be a bit more...hmmm...accomplished.  (As I sit here and write this, it's a Saturday night and I'm sitting alone, pants-less, on the couch.)  More accomplished in my personal life and professional life.  I assumed by 30 I would have had a husband, a baby, a Grammy.  I'm 0 for 3.

When I turned 25, I was in the thick of my quarter-life crisis and was all about life changes.  I quit my job as a teacher, moved to NYC, and went into debt started grad school.  As I approach 30, I'm beginning to realize that all I really want is to be...sure. Does that make sense?

So, to all my 30-somethings, what's the one piece of advice you wish someone told you when you turned 30? 

Party harder. Sleep Tomorrow.

Y'all have missed me...I know.  I promise I'm trying to do better.  But it's so hard being fabulous every weekend AND writing a blog. *sigh*

One thing you should know about me is I DO summer.  I'm a summer baby and a teacher, so summer has always equaled freedom.  

Last weekend, my girls and I went to a huge party in Brooklyn.  Brooklyn, while trendy and poppin in the summer, is light years away from me in Harlem.  So going there is always a trek treat.  

When in Brooklyn, you gotta bring your A-game outfit wise.  So, when I saw this t-shirt at H&M, I knew it would be perfect.  The best part about this shirt...I got it from the Men's Department. Ha! 

Gentrification

I thought this shirt perfect described my summer motto.  #PartyHarderSleepTomorrow

#FakeCaring

Aight. Y'all made me do it. I can't take it anymore. I can't take people fake caring about issues anymore.

Fake caring is when you tweet or share a tidbit of news and consider yourself an activist for your part in the upcoming revolution.

Lemme just break it down for you:

• Tweeting about something doesn't raise your social consciousness. 
• Making a hashtag doesn't mean you are making a change. 
• Sharing an article on your Facebook wall doesn't mean you are an intellectual.

In this culture of social media, 24-hour scrolling news, and 'just read the headline not the article' philosophers, people have gotten lazy. People aren't actually going out and fighting for a cause, they are sitting on their couch and retweeting their support. 

What if Malcolm X didn't fight for the people, he just tweeted #byanymeansnecessary? What if Huey P. Newton didn't found the Black Panther Party but just retweeted an article about poor Black kids in Oakland? What if instead of voting drives during Freedom Summer, everyone just wore a T-shirt saying Vote or Die? None of those would have been effective. 

I understand the power of social media as evidenced by the uprisings in Egypt & Ukraine. But that wouldn't have worked in the good ol USA; in between the tweets about revolution would have been social commentary about the latest Real Housewives Reunion brawl. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't care about issues. Racism is prevalent; social injustices exist everywhere; the cycle of poverty still grips families for generations.  And the list goes on. But stop TWEETING about it and get off your ass and DO something. 

#therevolutionwillnotbehashtagged

What Are We?

Three. Dreaded. Words.  (Every guy who just read the title of this post just cringed and exited the browser.)

These three words usually come between the 3-6 month dating mark.  It's the time when women want to define the relationship (DTR) and men want to, well, not.  Okay, maybe it's not as simple as they don't want to DTR, but they're definitely not jumping at the possibility of only dating you for an indefinite amount of time.

There are a couple of reasons why men scurry from this question:

• They don't want to give up all the women in the world to settle down with one woman.  After all, they  might still have a chance with Rihanna.
• They like being single and not having to answer to anyone
• They've heard/seen horror stories from their married friends and are in no rush to walk down that aisle.
• They're just not that into you. Period.

I know this conversation is a difficult one to have, ladies, but it's necessary.  Otherwise you'll find yourself in an unending situationship with a guy you're head over heels for.

Book Review: The Poisonwood Bible

Before I start, lemme just say this book is thick as hell. Ok. Now we may continue.

Poisonwood Bible is about a family of White missionaries, Southern Baptist holy rollers, living in the Congo in 1960.  It started out reeaaaall slow.  Then picked up in the middle.  The ended reaaalll slow.  An interesting aspect of the book is that the author incorporates historical figures and events into the book.  Since I have a degree in history you would have thought I enjoyed that part but it made the book feel textbook-y at times.

Overall, this book is too thick to have only enjoyed 1/3 of it.  I think you can pass.

Overalls

I know what you're thinking...overalls? You? They're hot?

And the answers are yes, yes, and yes.

So we finally had a hint of spring in NYC.  It lasted for about 36 hours, but at this point, we'll take what we can get.  My friends and I decided to meet up for brunch (cuz that's what nearly 30 year olds do) and I KNEW I had to debut my overalls.  I know what you're thinking...overalls are for farmers and TLC.  But no, they're so hot for Spring 2014.

I paired my overalls with my favorite black T-shirt and sneaker wedges.

We basically had a mini photo shoot after our brunch.  But who wouldn't when your backdrop is Central Park!

Shout out to my personal photographer Kaligraphy...she's the hottest thing coming outta Brooklyn!

Overalls ~ Ashley Stewart
T-Shirt ~ H&M
Shoes ~ Can't remember

Carmelo Anthony: The Decision

Well sports fans, unless you've been living under a rock for the last year, you know that the New York knickerbockers suck. I mean they reaaaally stink. So, I decided to write this blog post to Carmelo Anthony, their star (and virtually only) player. I present, Carmelo Anthony: The Decision.

Chicago Bulls - It's a big city and a good team. He wants a team to himself and hell get it; Derrick Rose hasn't played in 13 years. Check!

LA Lakers - The lights don't shine any brighter than in Los Angeles! Carmelo loves the LA lights but he and Kobe would literally be fighting on the court for the ball. Ok, maybe this is not a good idea after all.

Miami Heat - If LeBron leaves (which is highly doubtful), Melo would try to take his place....but he'd fail miserably! He's no LeBron!! And I feel like D-Wade and Chris Bosh would be like Mean Girls...you can't sit here!

Washington Wizards - He spent his childhood in Maryland so maybe he wants to come back home.  Add him with John Wall and Bradley Beal...this actually sounds like a pretty good team. All that being said, can LaLa and little Kiyan really fulfill their showbiz careers there? Prolly not.

Well ladies and gentleman, the time has come for Carmelo Anthony: The Decision. Carmelo will be taking his talents to............

John F. Kennedy High School in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Hey, even they gotta better record than the Knicks.