SCANDALous

Recently, Black Twitter has been a-buzz about something OTHER than a reality show. (I know, surprising).  Of course, I'm talking about Scandal, the latest drama from Shonda Rhimes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice fame.

Scandal is one of the few shows on television that has Black people in starring roles.  The fooine Columbus Short and Kerry Washington.  Now, I think the show is pretty amazing.  It has a GREAT storyline, got TWO Blacks, not just one; the writing is bit over the top for me, but I think Shonda Rhimes likes it that way.

But there is one thing that bugs me about Scandal:

Kerry Washington's upper lip

Every time she talks, I can't stop staring at it.  Looking at that lip feels like nails on a chalkboard to me.   Looking at that lip smells like yogurt to me.  I just really don't like that lip.

But the show is good; you should definitely watch the show.

I'ma put you to bed, Malik

 

I just wanted to remind everyone of this great moment in TV history.  For those that don't know, before The Game came to BET and DIED, it used to be a pretty witty and clever show on the CW.  This is a scene from one of the earlier seasons.  This scene is memorable for a few reasons:

1) It deals with homophobia and closeted gay men in the Black community.

2) It was the end of J. Holiday's career.

The song "Bed" by J. Holiday was a pretty popular song.  J. Holiday was on his way up until this scene in The Game.  You see, now anyone who ever hears the song "Bed" by J. Holiday automatically thinks "I'ma put you to bed, Malik."  Thus signalling the end of J. Holiday's career.  Don't worry J. Holiday, from the sounds of it, The Game is on it's way out as well.

Oopsy Baby!

Is the world ready for this?

So the most recent celebrity reality TV news is that our favorite miniature Guidette is with child.  Well, the Mayans predicted the world would end in 2012, but I'm SURE they didn't see this coming.  Then again, how could we not.  Snooki has gotten famous (and I use that term loosely) for being...well, loose.  When you unapologetically get wasted and 'smush' with any buffed, tanned body you see, something is bound to happen.  Fortunately for Snooks it was a baby and not an STI.

Let's look on the bright side, hopefully this baby will force Snooki to settle down & grow up.  At least we might get a new MTV spin-off from this....

What would you call Snooki's new spin-off???

Love & HipHop: A Guide for Black Women

Aight, I know everyone is tired of these ladies...and frankly I am too.  But, I just couldn't resist; there's a life lesson in everything.

Emily: She spends her days & nights pining over a man who has disrespected her and their relationship behind her back and in front of her face.  Instead of moving on or demanding more from him, she's waiting patiently for him to grow up and crying to anyone who will listen.  When last we saw Emily, she was ecstatic that her man finally 'claimed' her in public.  *Blankstare face*

The lesson in this one ladies: Men will only do what we allow them to get away with.  If you put up with lying & cheating, it will continue to happen.  You teach people how to treat you.  


Chrissy: Where shall I begin? Oh yes.  She wants to be married, but has stayed in her relationship for 7 years without a ring.  She's whined, cried, and complained along the way, but still has never left.  Now that she's gotten her ring, with or without the actual wedding, she's content.

The lesson in this one ladies: If you stay with a man for years, not requiring that he marry you, he prolly won't marry you.  You know, cows ... milk ... free.  Secondly, if you cry wolf for 7 years, there's a pretty good chance your man knows you're not gonna leave. 


Kimbella/Erica: Though they think they're different people, they're really the same person.  A ho-fessional is a ho-fessional...whether you do it on Twidda or the respectable way, in music videos.

The lesson in this one ladies: Stop thinking being a ho-fessional is going to be your big break.  If your career goals include Bad Girls Club or getting knocked up by somebody famous, it's time to rethink your life.  Go read a book!


Yandy: I'm still not sure about her.  On the one hand, I think she actually has a job, she manages artists.  But on the other hand, Jim Jones was about as relevant as Ja Rule until Love & Hip Hop came along.  Maybe she's not so good at her job after all.  My biggest issue with Yandy was her personal involvement with her former lover client, Jim Jones.

The lesson in this one ladies: Keep your work life and your personal life separate.  "Don't sh*t where you eat"


Olivia: Mmm, poor girl.

The lesson in this one ladies: Always follow your dreams.  HOWEVER know when to hold em & when to fold em.  I think it's time Olivia just gets a job at McDonald's and rides quietly off into the sunset.

Aight, and now I'm really done.

Top 10 Reasons why BET will never be TVOne

10. TVOne is for grown-ups; BET is for teenagers.  If you're not in middle school, nothing on BET is appealing to you.  Quick: what channel is BET?? Exactly.

9. The only movies they ever play on BET are Tyler Perry movies or chitlin circuit plays starring Clifton Powell.  Like seriously, how many times can dude play a preacher/wife-beater/drug dealer?

8. The original programming on TVOne (Unsung, Life After, etc.) are heads and tails above anything on BET.  With the exception of Tocarra's show & Ashley Bank's show, TVOne programming is far & above anything BET produces.

7. I'm not totally sure, but I think BET is owned by 'The Man.'  Minus 1 point.

6. TVOne plays re-runs of shows we all miss.  Martin, Living Single, Different World, Good Times...those are my jams and they're just as funny as when they first came on.

5 - 2. 106 & Park is still on the air.  I watched 5 minutes of 106 a few days ago & I swear I saw Terrance J hold up an SOS sign.  He hates his life.  And he should.  He's a college-educated 20-something interviewing Mindless Behavior about their views on the GOP primaries.  Terrance J, SAVE YOURSELF!

1. The Game. BET ruined a show that was pretty great.  A few years ago, The Game was cancelled by the CW but fans petitioned and fought for the show to come back.  Great.  Then BET took it over.  Hol up.  While the cast is still the same, I'm not sure if there are new writers, producers, set designers, etc., but whatever it is, something is just...off.

Aight, I've been kinda hard on BET.  I do think they're trying to do better by having news programming, gospel music hours, and awards shows.  So yall get one clap from me. *CLAP*  However, let's step our game up in 2012.  Black people are making big moves, why not reflect that on OUR TV network?

The BLAchelor

That's right...BLAchelor (Black + Bachelor = BLAchelor).  When are we gonna see that show??

For the last few years, ABC has shown us beautiful looking 20-somethings searching for the loves of their life in an 8-week long reality show.  Now, I must admit, I've never watched the Bachelor or it's spin-offs purely for one reason...they ain't Black.  

I have a few theories why we'll never see a Black Bachelor or Bachelorette.  1) We rarely see portrayals of Black love and marriages on TV.  Aside from Barack & Michelle, Cliff & Claire, and TI & Tiny, you would think Black people don't get married.  2) We can't be trusted to not act ignorant as soon as a camera turns on.  Turn to VH1 on any given night, with few exceptions, Black people become buffoons when that lil red light comes on.  But most importantly, 3) Flavor Flav ruined it for errrrrrrry'body.  A network finally decided to do a bachelor-style show featuring Black people & they gave us Flavor Flav??? Really??  How rude! *Stephanie Tanner voice*  Not only that, but Flavor of Love definitely fed into all types of Black stereotypes: hoodrats, fighting, big clock medallions.

Hey, I believe in the power of Black love, I've seen it first hand in my family.  It would be nice to finally see that reflected on TV.

Fried Chicken, Watermelon & Hip Hop

For those that don't know, fried chicken, watermelon & Hip Hop are the keys to Black people's heart!  Well at least, this is what advertisers think.

Exhibit A: Popeye's Lady

If she shakes her neck at me one more time!!! HONEY!  Besides the fact that this woman is selling fried chicken, she's doing it in the most stereotypical dialect possible.  She might as well say Come get this chicken fo massah see you.  Trust me Popeyes, Black people will continue to buy your chicken even without all the finger waggin.

Exhibit B: McDonald's
When I say 'Chicken', yall say 'McNugget' ... "Chicken" "McNugget"

We already have a McDonald's on every block in Harlem, there is no need for an enticing hip hop beat in your commercials.

Exhibit C: Sneakers

Now I KNOW Black people aren't the only ones who wear shoes...

Exhibit D - Z: Any commercial on BET

Do yall realize advertisers make different commercials for different channels?? Have you ever seen a Dr. Miracle's commercial on channel 4?? I rest my case.

In 2011, you would think that as a country we have progressed past tried and true stereotypes of yesteryear.  However, just read a newspaper cartoon, type "why do Black people" on Google, or in this case turn on the TV to see that we haven't really made it that far.

~@AllEyesOnDiv