Graduation Folly

Dear Parents,

I know I'm going to ruffle a few feathers with this post and that's ok.  If you are easily offended, you should probably stop reading now and just wait 3 more months for the next blog post.  As we are entering into graduation season, please....

I beg of you....

Stop calling your child ADVANCING to another grade a GRADUATION.

I know, you're very proud of lil Ti Ti for completing 8th grade and moving on up to high school. And you prayed night after night that lil Ray Ray would pass all her final exams to get into Kindergarten.  But unless your child is graduating from 12th grade or 16th grade....It's not a graduation and I don't care.

The problem is, our society likes to celebrate moving up from 3rd grade to 4th grade like it's a huge accomplishment. And it's not.  It's like passing out trophies of participation to kids; it's a nice gesture but it makes the championship trophy meaningless.

We should be pushing all of our kids to graduate from high school and going on to higher education.  THAT is a real accomplishment.  No seriously, have you seen what standardized tests look like these days? Half of us wouldn't have made it out of high school.

Parents, I didn't mean to kill your vibe.  I'm happy you're so happy.  Just keep up that enthusiasm & zealousness as your kids grow older.  Trust me, they'll need it.

Shawty, I do mind.

Have I told y'all how much I dislike the music on the radio? Well one of my least favorite songs on the radio right now is "Shawty, I don't mind" by Usher. In this song he says, and I quote, "Shawty I don't mind if you dance on a pole, that don't make you a ho." His stripper 'girlfriend' has gotten an entire song written about her and how hard-working she is...taking off her clothes and dancing naked for strangers.

Buuuuuuut, who's going to make a song about me? I want somebody to drop 16 bars about me attaining two masters degrees, managing 30 staff.  Hell, rap about my vitae or my mutual funds.  If the only thing this generation of young black girls sees are strippers and Basketball Wives glorified, what do you think they will aspire to?

So, while you trap queens have Franklins raining on your body I'm going to continue to be the best Educator I can be.

This is me, watching my stock rise

So, who got bars??

MIXtapED Emotions

Remember back in the day when you liked someone. I mean reaaaally liked someone. You'd sit on the phone all night just listening to them breathe. You'd wear their T-shirts or jacket (ladies) just cuz it smelled like him.

And you'd make them a mixtape.

Making a mixtape was an intimate profession of your puppy love. You had to figure out the songs that perfectly described your relationship or your feelings. Then you had to put in work. Wait for the songs to come on the radio, and record them one by one; you were meticulously crafting your love story for your crush.  After you painstakingly decided the 8 to 12 songs that perfectly described your love (and fit on the cassette), you delivered the mixtape and hoped that your crush would feel all your feels as they listened. 

Maybe it's time to go back to that simpler day and age. Can you imagine compiling a list of songs you know your Instagram crush likes? (Wait, that's creepy, don't do that.)  How about getting a mixtape from your new boo or from your husband on Valentine's Day?  From now until forever, you would always have a copy of the soundtrack to your love.

What song would be on your mixtape?

Card Tricks

We've all been distracted. 

War. 

Terrorism. 

Racism.

Ebola. 

Karreuche. 

While we've been distracted with all of these grave and dire issues, Hallmark has steadily raised the prices on greeting cards. No longer can you go to CVS and get a lovely $1 card to express how you truly feel about your family and friends set to a rhyme. Now, cards range from $4.59 to $4037. I recently went to a wedding and after spending all of my money on a lovely card, I gave the new bride and groom a check for $9.41. In my note I wrote "Sorry I couldn't give more, but wasn't that card beautiful?" 

Well Hallmark, I'm on to you. 

I'll be watching you. 

Every step you take, every prose you make, Div is watching you.

Gimme More

Hey guys!!

I know...it's been a long time but I wanted to share my big news. Guess what? I moved! That's right this New York City gal no longer lives in New York City. And you won't believe where I moved. Baltimore Maryland!! Or, for The Wire fans, Bodymore, Murderland. (I kid I kid.) So far, I've really enjoyed the city. I mean, I haven't gotten shot yet so really what's there to complain about??

When I told my friends I was moving, a lot of them asked me why would I leave New York for Baltimore. Hell, even when I got to Baltimore people were asking me why would I leave New York for Baltimore. But, I was ready for something different.

I wanted to advance in my career.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't go out that much (besides the occasional happy hour).
And I am ready to settle down with my invisible boyfriend.

So, that's my big news! Believe it or not, I miss you guys. So I hope to give you a lil more from Baltimore.

Noerdlinger Syndrome

For those of you outside of NYC, you've probably not heard of Rachel Noerdlinger. Let me give you a little history. Rachel is the chief of staff for the wife of the mayor of NYC. So, here in Gotham city, it's kind of a big deal. And Rachel has a boyfriend, Hassaun. And Hassuan has a rap sheet. Recently, Hassan was in court fighting parking tickets & actually name dropped the First Lady of NYC. Bad move Hassaun. Many in NYC are calling for Rachel to lose her $170K/yr job due to her boyfriend's nefarious behavior.

While I think it is a bit unfair to fire someone over something their partner has done (although the name dropping was waaaayyy outta line Hassaun), I just want to talk to Rachel woman to woman.

Rachel girl. The hell you thinking? You've got a great job, making good money, raising your 17 year old son. The hell you need with Hassaun's ass? Girl, you can do bad all by yourself. 

You see, Rachel suffers from a form of Single Woman's Disease known as Successful & Black aka Noerdlinger Syndrome. You might know others with this condition, namely everyone's favorite mistress, Olivia Pope. (Yes, I know she's a character, just go with it.) These women with Noerdlinger Syndrome are beautiful, intelligent, smart, well respected, educated, and career-oriented but make horrible decisions in men. Specifically, settling for no good, half of, or a piece of a man. 

Noerdlinger Syndrome is very pervasive and the only known cure is kicking that no good, half of, or piece of a man to the curb. While the remedy may seem simple, it's actually very hard to do.  Women with Noerdlinger Syndrome know they should want better for themselves but keep getting pulled into the matrix of their feelings. Well ladies, feelings lie! Ok, that was a bit harsh. But sometimes your feelings will take you to a place your common sense is begging you to stay out of.

Exhibit A: Rachel & Hassaun

Parenting Advice from a Teacher

It's back to school time again!  Time for my annual advice to parents of school age children.  As someone with no children, I feel fully entitled to give parenting advice...because I'm an educator.  I've interacted with hundreds of children and their families and these are the problems I see year after year.

1. Put the iPads down.  I know it's free babysitting and free entertainment but you know how your eyes feel after staring at a computer screen all day? Why would you do that to your children.  Also, kids these days aren't developing the fine motor skills of children of yesteryear.  Why? Because swiping an iPad left or right doesn't require dexterity.  And they'll need that one day to, oh I dunno, tie their shoes.
2. Bedtime is important. Putting your children on a routine is paramount.  All kids crave structure.  And, did you know children's bodies require 10-12 hours of sleep? So, this going to bed at 10 PM and waking up at 6 AM nonsense might work for you, but not for them. Also, kids with bags under their eyes are statistically less cute than kids without.
3. Turn the cell phones off and talk to your kids. Most schools have a NO PHONE ZONE at school and lemme tell you why.  Too often, parents come to pick their kids up from school all with a phone attached to their ears.  They don't speak to or acknowledge the child, the teacher, or anyone else in the building.  Put your cell phone away and spend that quality time with your child.  You can get back on Twitter and talk to your friends at 7 PM, when your kids go to bed. (See what I did there...)
4. If you feed your kids McDonald's, they will crave McDonald's. Basically, you have to watch what your children eat.  I know parents who make separate meals for all of their children.  Who got time for that? I also know kids who refuse to eat green vegetables but will only eat McDonald's french fries.  As the parent, you set the tone for what your children will and won't eat.

Ok...go forth and have a wonderful school year!