Thursday, August 30, 2012


As yall know, I'm single so that means I spend 20 hours a day talking about being single and finding a man.  Recently, my conversations have centered around what I'm looking for and I'm beginning to wonder, do I want too much?  Do I have too many deal breakers?  My ideal man:
  1. Must eat pork. I don't get down with this anti-pork generation.  Make me a honey baked ham glazed with bacon grease.
  2. Must be funnier than me.  And I'm pretty damn funny.
  3. Must work hard. You don't have to be doctor or a lawyer, but you better hustle hard and be the best damn (fill in the blank) there ever was.
  4. Must have good teef.  Cuz I don't want buck-toothed children.
  5. Must not be douchey. I don't care where you got your degree from, everybody's sh*t stinks.
  6. Must be worldly. You gotta be able to talk about everything from Snooki to Syria.  And take me places, an empty passport is a wasted passport. 
  7. Must like to clean.  Cuz I hate it.  I'll do the cooking, but that bathroom will not clean itself.
  8. Must love Jesus.  This one's a non-negotiable. 
So, what yall think?  Too much?

Ladies (and Gents), what are your dealbreakers?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Girls Guide to Football Season

Well Ladies, football season is upon us.  I'ma huge football fan (GO STEELERS!) but I feel like female football fans usually fall into 4 categories:
  • True Fans: These girls actually watch the games, know the players & plays, and possibly have a fantasy team.
  • Groupie Girls: These girls know players, contracts, and away team hotels.
  • If you like it, I love it: These girls talk about football because they think guys like it.  In actuality, they don't know the difference between a LB and OL.
  • What's Football?: These girls don't care about football, at. all.
Since I'm always breaking things down for yall, I wanted to give you the Girls Guide to the 2012-2013 Football Season.

True Fans: So many story lines for this season: The return of Peyton Manning and his broken neck; Lolo Jones' soul mate (Tebow) trying to help make the Jets relevant while the Giants continue to quietly go about their business; the media made rivalry of Andrew Luck vs RGIII; can the Saints rebound from Bountygate?; and finally will an old favorite (STEELERS, Patriots, Packers) win it all or will a "oh so close" team finally put the pieces together (49ers, Eagles, Ravens).

Groupie Girls: You might want to spend most of your time checking the sidelines and learning jersey numbers.  Also, make sure you read reports of who's gotten cut; football players can get cut mid-season & then they'll be unemployed, like yourself.  Also, if they are on Special Teams, their career probably won't last too long...go for a REAL player, go for the starters.  Obviously everyone goes for the quarterback and wide receivers.  If all you want is the baby daddy or to live the "Basketball Wives lifestyle" go for the offensive lineman.  They usually have long careers, make decent pay, don't have groupies like yourself following them, and can protect you from anyone trying to tackle you.  What more could you want in a man?  

If you like it, I love it: Make sure you know which team is playing each other each Sunday.  Also, if you know what city they're from & what their mascot is, you're doing great.  Actually, you can't go wrong cheering for the home team.  Come on, just watch the local news and you should be able to learn SOMETHING about them; a coach, a player, a team color.

What's Football?: Ummm, you might want to get another TV for your household.  

So there you have it, the Girls Guide to the 2012-2013 Football Season.  Are you ready for some football?

Monday, August 20, 2012

The First Day of School!

Yaayyy!  It's the first day of school for your little one!  Aren't you excited?!?  Probably nervous too? It's totally natural.  You raised this child from Day One and now you're sending them off to the big bad world of kindergarten.  As a former teacher, the first day of school is exciting for us too.  We love to see our new students' faces and learn their little personalities.  And you know what makes our year go by even smoother...cooperative and helpful parents.  Here are some DO's and DON'Ts for you first time school-age parents.

DO communicate with your kid's teacher.  If things are changing at home (new sibling, divorce, etc.) let the teacher know.

DON'T think you know more than the teacher.  She has gone to school for education and knows what she's talking about.

DO have a bed time for your kid.  No kindergartner should be watching the opening credits of Leno.

DO read with your kid.  Just because your kid is in school does not mean your teaching responsibility is over.  As the parent, YOU are your kid's first teacher.

DON'T go behind your kid's teacher's back.  If you have an issue with the teacher, address it with her first.  If she's uncooperative or unresponsive, then you can go to the principal.

DO ask to visit your kid's classroom.

DON'T randomly show up at your kid's classroom demanding a visit.

DO go to parent-teacher conferences and open-house nights.  Whether right or wrong, this goes a long way with impressing teachers.

I hope this is a great school year for all you teachers, parents, and kiddies!

Love, Ms. Crystal

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Trouble with Young Black Girls

So, I know yall have been keeping up with current events and TV lately.  With everything that is going on, I have become increasingly concerned about the socio-emotional health of our young Black girls.  It's not that I'm not worried about our young Black boys, but they're fairly represented in mentorships, educational programs (thanks Bloomberg!), sports leagues, etc.  Our young Black girls, however, are getting left behind and running to TV, boys, and social media for affirmation.

Just look at the reaction to Gabby Douglas' hair. This young Black girl just won TWO gold medals and how does Twitter react? Criticizing her hair.  And it wasn't Don Imus with a nappy-headed ho comment; it was other young Black girls.  Is that how we are teaching our daughters to react to the accomplishments of another girl?  By attacking her and tearing down her looks?

Or, you can watch any show on VH1... no explanation necessary.

The images our young Black girls see projected on TV of women flaunting destructive relationships, tearing down each other and allowing men to disrespect them to their face; it's appalling.  For every Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey, there are 25 MiMis and Evelyns.

You know what, they should do a reality show of me and my girls.  They would follow us going to our respective jobs, hitting the gym to keep our bodies right, going to the occasional happy hour to socialize & meet new people, an exotic vacation every now and then, and then us going home and going to bed.  But, you're right, why would you wanna watch a bunch of college-educated Black females when you can watch these women throw bottles at each other's heads??

I say all this to say, we have to make sure that we nurture our young Black girls spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Otherwise, we won't be preparing for the next generation of CEOs, but Basketball Wives 2019.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Olympics: The Best, Worst, and In Between

The worst: London.  Beijing brought it in 2008; drummers, millions of Chinese dancers.  The opening ceremonies this year was the history of London. NOBODY CARES. A James Bond skit about the Queen? Don't nobody care about that either. Even your Queen was bored. London: Worst Host Ever.

My new favorite athlete: Pistorious. A) He's cute B) He's a paraplegic and y'all know I *love* people with disabilities.

The "I told ya so": The USA Women's Basketball Team has won their 5th straight gold medal.  They beat France, the 2nd place finishers, by 36 points.  They also have a 41 game winning streak in International competition.  Can we say "Dream Team"?

The Hoodie award: Serena crip walking after she won the gold medal.

The Dumbest Olympic Sport: Trampoline, Sailing, Equestrian, Race Walking 

The best: The Sex! For the athletes, some of them might not have won gold medals but they were getting it in in the Olympic village.  All those perfect bodies from those various countries all living in confined quarters was a recipe for disaster.  But you know who didn't have a lot of sex in the Olympic village?? Lolo Jones.  And she had a 4th place finish. (j/k Lolo, j/k).

Well, that's my recap.  Hope yall enjoyed it, now on to book my tickets to Rio!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Book Review: Hunger Games

Aight, I'll admit I hadn't heard of this book until the movie came out.  Yeah I'm a bandwagon book reader, so sue me.  Well, at the end of the day, I'm glad I read it.  Twenty-four teenagers are forced to fight to the death on national television until there is only one winner.  This is what Lifetime-movie dreams are made of!  And this book has everything: desperation, romance, class warfare, mythology, costumes, games AND hunger.   Needless to say, I am sooo ready to read the next book in the series, Catching Fire.  I gotta find out what happens to my beloved Kat.

Next Up: Bitch is the New Black ~ Helena Andrews

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Pollo Ajillo

It's another chicken recipe!  Told yall, there are 234809 million ways to make chicken.  Pollo Ajillo translates to, I think, Chicken in Garlic sauce.  Although I'm not really sure, I failed Spanish in college.  Anyways, here's the recipe.  This has a lot of steps but it's very easy to make.

4 chicken thighs
3 potatoes
9-12 garlic cloves
1 c. of white or red wine
Quarter of an onion, cut in chunks
1 T of olive oil
Salt & Pepper

1. Season your chicken thighs with salt & pepper.  Heat oil in pan and brown chicken thighs.
2. After chicken is nicely browned on both sides, put the chicken aside and let it rest.
3. Cut your potatoes into bite size chunks.  Throw them in the pan.
4. On top of the potatoes, place your onions and garlic.
5. Put your chicken back in the pan and don't forget to pour in the sauce leftover on that plate.
6. Add your cup of wine
7. Cover and cook for 45 minutes on medium heat.
8. After 45 minutes, your potatoes will start to brown so rearrange the food in the pan.
9. Top with parsley

This dish is sooo good, I promise you'll want to eat it all in one sitting; the potatoes get crispy, the roasted garlic gets a lil sweet, the onions caramelize.  And your house will smell amazing while it's cooking.  Ooo, think I might throw some pancetta in the mix next time...yall know how I feel about bacon!
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