Noerdlinger Syndrome

For those of you outside of NYC, you've probably not heard of Rachel Noerdlinger. Let me give you a little history. Rachel is the chief of staff for the wife of the mayor of NYC. So, here in Gotham city, it's kind of a big deal. And Rachel has a boyfriend, Hassaun. And Hassuan has a rap sheet. Recently, Hassan was in court fighting parking tickets & actually name dropped the First Lady of NYC. Bad move Hassaun. Many in NYC are calling for Rachel to lose her $170K/yr job due to her boyfriend's nefarious behavior.

While I think it is a bit unfair to fire someone over something their partner has done (although the name dropping was waaaayyy outta line Hassaun), I just want to talk to Rachel woman to woman.

Rachel girl. The hell you thinking? You've got a great job, making good money, raising your 17 year old son. The hell you need with Hassaun's ass? Girl, you can do bad all by yourself. 

You see, Rachel suffers from a form of Single Woman's Disease known as Successful & Black aka Noerdlinger Syndrome. You might know others with this condition, namely everyone's favorite mistress, Olivia Pope. (Yes, I know she's a character, just go with it.) These women with Noerdlinger Syndrome are beautiful, intelligent, smart, well respected, educated, and career-oriented but make horrible decisions in men. Specifically, settling for no good, half of, or a piece of a man. 

Noerdlinger Syndrome is very pervasive and the only known cure is kicking that no good, half of, or piece of a man to the curb. While the remedy may seem simple, it's actually very hard to do.  Women with Noerdlinger Syndrome know they should want better for themselves but keep getting pulled into the matrix of their feelings. Well ladies, feelings lie! Ok, that was a bit harsh. But sometimes your feelings will take you to a place your common sense is begging you to stay out of.

Exhibit A: Rachel & Hassaun

Single Woman's Disease

Definition
Single Woman's Disease is the mental condition of being perpetually single while approaching or in your 30s.

How Common is it 
Scholars debate this number, but Single Woman's Disease is said to affect between 30-80% of Black women. Onset is typically after the age of 27.

Symptoms

• You've been on more bad dates than good dates
• You haven't been on a date in more than a year
• Every time you see an engagement, birth, or wedding announcement you want to barf
• You're parents speculate that you are a lesbian on the low
• You decide to get another degree since you've got nothing better to do
• You dip back to your ex 
• Checking your online dating app is the highlight of your Friday night 
• You've deduced that you will have to meet your husband on your living room couch, since you don't leave it on the weekends
• If one more person says "You'll find the right one when you least expect it" you're gonna go AWF!

How is it Diagnosed
If at any time you've been out with your girlfriends and uttered the phrase "N*66as ain't sh*t" ... you've got SWD

How is it Treated
Step into your amazing.  Live your life. Be the woman you always dreamed you would be right now.  Or, you know, that whole Prince Charming thing.

Exit Interview

As you know, 3 months ago I was relieved of my duties to be a working person.  One of the things that is customary as you leave a company is to do an exit interview.  This is when you can be honest about your time at the company so they can inform and hopefully change their practices for the better.

I was recently chatting with one of my friends who has found herself back in the dating game after many years.  She just had her first date and although she wasn't really into the guy, she shared that she would have loved to do an exit interview afterward.  And I thought....BRILLIANT!

Ok, so I haven't been on a date since Pluto was a planet.  But the last date I went on, I thought went well; I looked cute, had great conversation, was hilarious (as usual) but the guy never called me again. Which irritated the hell outta me.  I wanted to call him up & put him through a series of question....but that woulda been crazy.  Or would it?

CRYSTAL METH DATING EXIT INTERVIEW

1. Would you go on a date with me again?
2. What was your favorite part of our date? What was your least favorite?
3. Did you think I was cute? (Who am I kidding, of course you did)
4. What would you change about our date?
5. What were the most important factors in deciding to date me? My brain? My assets? Something else?
6. Are you dating other people? What do they have to offer you that I don't?
7. Would you recommend me to any of your friends?
8. Do you have any additional questions or comments?

So this is why I'd like to officially institute the dating exit interview.  Patent pending...

30? Single? What's wrong with you?

This post is geared more to my male meth-heads (that's y'all's nickname by the way) but ladies, feel free to weigh in.

I've been getting hit with this "Why are you Single" question a lot recently. I used to think dudes just used this as a pick up line...and that's definitely still true, but I think a lot of guys are genuinely asking this question. When I add in that I have no kids & their minds are officially blown.

So my question is: is the fact that I'm so 'rare' more of a commentary about me or of what we expect of women, particularly Black women, these days. Cuz lemme tell you what, in many cases I'm not rare. Sure I'm gorgeous, educated, hilarious, can cook, extraordinary and watch sports...but I have tons of friends who have at least 3 of those attributes and who are also single.

So, is it us......or y'all?? The reason I'm still single?? I haven't found anyone who matches my amazing.

The Dip Back

dip back (v): to date or become romantically involved with a person with whom you were previously involved.  Girl, you know I had to dip back and I'm talking to James again.

This is another symptom of Single Black Woman's Disease: the dip back.  The dip back is when you go digging through your past and begin dating someone you previously dated.  Is it because yall had such great chemistry? Of course.  Is he still fine? Prolly.  Is it because nothing is popping off in your present-day dating life? Bingo.

See, when there's nothing going on in your current dating life, we single women tend to go back to what is familiar.  You want someone to tell you you're pretty, take you out to dinner, and have an adult sleepover every once in a while.  But, I don't think the dip back is a good idea.  The problem is, your exes are in the past for a reason; at some point yall tried it...it didn't work out, and that's okay.   But just because someone is familiar to you does NOT mean they should hold an important place in your life again. 

So, does the dip back work? Ehh, I don't think so.  I mean, Elizabeth Taylor re-married one of her ex-husbands...but then again she was married 738 times.