Monday, January 30, 2012

My name is Crystal, and I'm a shop-a-holic

How I know I have a shopping addiction:

  1. There is no room in my closet.  Granted, I live in a matchbox, but my closet is stuffed to the gills.
  2. As I type this, I have another tab opened on my browser so I can look for more clothes.
  3. I get clothes delivered to my job.
  4. I have a ton of clothes in my closet that still have tags on them. 
  5. When I donate clothes to Goodwill (you should definitely do this at the end of every season), I use it as an excuse to buy more clothes.
  6. It's easier to put my clothes in the hamper then to hang them up.  (Refer to #1.)

And with that, I think it's time for another shopping fast.  For one month, I commit to not buying any new clothes & only shopping in my closet.  When I did this in July 2011, I saved over $200. In February 2012 (in honor of Black History Month), I will no longer give my money to the Man & his clothing stores.

So, who's gonna join me in my shopping fast??

Friday, January 27, 2012

What I Wore: My Favorite Dress

I decided to share another outfit with you guys.  I am notoriously frugal and not really into labels.  When you got a body like this, who needs name-brands! Ha!

Now this dress...I love.


I love it.

It's leopard print and fits me perfectly.  Every time I wear it I get tons of compliments and you'll never guess where I got it...


I know right.  This just goes to show you, you don't have to spend a lot of money to look as fabulous as me.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Black Mamba Millionaires

I'm sure yall have heard by now that Vanessa Bryant walked away with $75 million in her divorce settlement from Kobe Bean Bryant.  I'm sure yall have also heard the lyric "b*tch, you wasn't with me shooting in the gym" from Drake, America's saddest R&B rapper.  A lot of people, mostly dudes, have been riding with this lyric as though Vanessa is not entitled to any of the fortune that was amassed during their marriage.  But you know what, I'm not mad at Vanessa.  Lemme tell you why:

  1. They shoulda signed a pre-nup.  Maybe if they hadn't gotten married when they were 14 & 12, Bean would have been smart enough to protect his money. Even Kim K and her sham of a 72 day marriage was smart enough to sign a pre-nup.
  2. Vanessa stood by her husband is his darkest days.  She sat there (albeit looking foolish), holding his hand during his press conference regarding rape accusations.  It's a scientific fact (aight, maybe not) that when wives stand by their husbands, their careers bounce back quicker.  Look at Hillary & Bill vs. Tiger & Elin.  See?
  3. Just because someone marries an athlete/entertainer does not mean they've signed an agreement to be cheated on.  Point blank, period.
So, was she out there shooting free throws, winning championships & getting endorsements? Nah.  But did she stand by him, have his children, and set up a cozy life for him? Yeah.  What's that worth?  I can't really say, but the state of California says $75 million!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Let Paula Deen be Great!

Why is everybody hating on Paula Deen?? First of all, let me say that I love that silver-haired lady.  She's what I imagine a White, Southern grandmother to be...just without the racism.  Every time I see her on TV, she's seems so sweet and she is just glowing...probably from all the butter.

A few days ago, Paula announced she had Diabetes.  Instead of people being concerned for Paula's well-being, they attacked her and basically said she's getting what she deserves.  Now, we all know that Paula loves butter and deep-frying things; her shows and cookbooks are full of recipes laden in hydrogenated oils and saturated fat.  And if YOU choose to eat those foods're a fool. 

My favorite Paula recipe is her baked french toast casserole.  (Yes, it is as delicious as it sounds.)  Do you think I eat this every morning for breakfast?  Hell to the no!  I make this dish when I have company so I can make them fat.

Bottom line, I wish Paula Deen many years of good health and good eating and I can't wait to buy her "Everything but the butter" cookbook.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Top 10 Reasons why BET will never be TVOne

10. TVOne is for grown-ups; BET is for teenagers.  If you're not in middle school, nothing on BET is appealing to you.  Quick: what channel is BET?? Exactly.

9. The only movies they ever play on BET are Tyler Perry movies or chitlin circuit plays starring Clifton Powell.  Like seriously, how many times can dude play a preacher/wife-beater/drug dealer?

8. The original programming on TVOne (Unsung, Life After, etc.) are heads and tails above anything on BET.  With the exception of Tocarra's show & Ashley Bank's show, TVOne programming is far & above anything BET produces.

7. I'm not totally sure, but I think BET is owned by 'The Man.'  Minus 1 point.

6. TVOne plays re-runs of shows we all miss.  Martin, Living Single, Different World, Good Times...those are my jams and they're just as funny as when they first came on.

5 - 2. 106 & Park is still on the air.  I watched 5 minutes of 106 a few days ago & I swear I saw Terrance J hold up an SOS sign.  He hates his life.  And he should.  He's a college-educated 20-something interviewing Mindless Behavior about their views on the GOP primaries.  Terrance J, SAVE YOURSELF!

1. The Game. BET ruined a show that was pretty great.  A few years ago, The Game was cancelled by the CW but fans petitioned and fought for the show to come back.  Great.  Then BET took it over.  Hol up.  While the cast is still the same, I'm not sure if there are new writers, producers, set designers, etc., but whatever it is, something is

Aight, I've been kinda hard on BET.  I do think they're trying to do better by having news programming, gospel music hours, and awards shows.  So yall get one clap from me. *CLAP*  However, let's step our game up in 2012.  Black people are making big moves, why not reflect that on OUR TV network?

Monday, January 16, 2012

Why Martin marched... we could have 30% off??  

If this ain't an illegal/immoral use of someone's likeness, I don't know what is.  Once again, the man continually uses "Black" images to try to market to Black people *sigh*.  We deserve today off for putting up with this mess... 

Either way, Happy Martin Luther King Day!  On this day, remember the man he was, what he fought for and how we can all do our part to actualize his dream.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Book Review: My Horizontal Life

I must admit, I think Chelsea Handler's comedy is pretty hit or miss. However, in the first 3 pages she described her 7-year old self worrying about being sexy for 2nd grade & I immediately knew I would like this book.

The book is a collection of Chelsea's experiences chasing men, drinking, thinking bout men, drinking, and most importantly lying to men...and drinking. She has a dry sense of humor so if you can't laugh at yourself or an inappropriate little person joke, this may not be the book for you. It's a very easy read and definitely offers an escape from reality. Be forewarned, people on the train will look at you sideways when you read a book with the subtitle A Collection of One-Night Stands.

Next Up: Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the Bronx by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The BLAchelor

That's right...BLAchelor (Black + Bachelor = BLAchelor).  When are we gonna see that show??

For the last few years, ABC has shown us beautiful looking 20-somethings searching for the loves of their life in an 8-week long reality show.  Now, I must admit, I've never watched the Bachelor or it's spin-offs purely for one reason...they ain't Black.  

I have a few theories why we'll never see a Black Bachelor or Bachelorette.  1) We rarely see portrayals of Black love and marriages on TV.  Aside from Barack & Michelle, Cliff & Claire, and TI & Tiny, you would think Black people don't get married.  2) We can't be trusted to not act ignorant as soon as a camera turns on.  Turn to VH1 on any given night, with few exceptions, Black people become buffoons when that lil red light comes on.  But most importantly, 3) Flavor Flav ruined it for errrrrrrry'body.  A network finally decided to do a bachelor-style show featuring Black people & they gave us Flavor Flav??? Really??  How rude! *Stephanie Tanner voice*  Not only that, but Flavor of Love definitely fed into all types of Black stereotypes: hoodrats, fighting, big clock medallions.

Hey, I believe in the power of Black love, I've seen it first hand in my family.  It would be nice to finally see that reflected on TV.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Ivy Blue Tiana May Brooklyn Marcy Projects Carter

I'm still not quite sure what that child's name is.

When Beyonce revealed she was pregnant on the MTV awards in August, Twidda went HAM.  I had people on my timeline saying they were in tears they were so happy.  Why?? None of y'all were gonna be the baby's godmother.

It's not that I'm not happy for Beyonce.  It's a wonderful thing to bring a new life into this world.  And from the interviews I've seen, she & her husband thoughtfully decided when they were ready to have a baby.  I think the problem is how the rest of the world consumes all things celebrity.  This baby wasn't even 12 hours old & had 15,000 followers on Twitter.  People feel a sense of entitlement to this child to the point that her mother couldn't even reveal her true due date.  And stans (stalkers + fans) are dubbing this lil girl the 2nd coming.  Really??

Either way, Congrats to Momma B & Daddy J on the birth of their Baby Girl.  As for the rest of y'all...get a life.  Now lemme log on to Babies'R'Us and send them my gift...

Friday, January 6, 2012

The S word

No not THAT 'S' word.

THAT 'S' word.

Despite how cool Beyonce made it look, being single isn't always fun.  (I've been single so long, people don't even ask me when I'm getting married and having babies.)  Let's face it, the dating world is rough, especially for Black women.  Besides the fact that we are the 'least likely to be married, you'd have better luck being a lesbian' demographic, if you discount the Black men in jail, married, or gay, that leaves approximately 5 eligible Black men left in the WORLD.  And trust me, these 5 dudes know us Black women are clamoring to get to them.  They are in nooo rush to put a ring on it.

Besides trying to find these eligible men, it's hard to figure these men out.  As if trying to find your own place in this world isn't hard enough, trying to figure out how you relate to other people, especially men, can be downright confusing and time-consuming.  Who's got time to date and figure out 'the game' that men play?? Not me.
But, you know what, I'm totally fine with being single. You know who's not okay with me being single...Facebook.  No less than 90% of my Facebook friends are married, engaged or pregnant with their 5th child.  Everyday I log on to Facebook to see another ultrasound or engagement ring and am reminded of my empty womb and naked finger.      

Alas Facebook, I'm trying.  Cut me a lil's hard out here.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Years' Guide to the Gym

So it's the beginning of January and you along with 6 million other people have decided that losing weight is your New Year's Resolution.  Well, congratulations!  As an experienced gym goer myself, I* wanted to share some tips to gym newbies; a guide to lead you through your local gym.

Ellipticals, Bikes and Treadmills - The most important thing to remember on these machines is Intervals.  When you get started, set the machine to Interval so you will be varying your work out.  And make sure you do at least 30 minutes.

AbsThe key to flat abs isn't doing 1 million crunches a day.  The key is diet and cardio, like the elliptical.  Crunches and other ab exercises (like planks and leg lifts) will absolutely help strengthen your abdominal muscles, but to get rid of the layers of rolls on our stomach (which I affectionately refer to as my 'chocolate puddin'), you've got to diet.

Squats and Lunges - Ladies, put those booty pops away, these are two of the best, if not the best, butt and thigh exercises. Nobody wants a flabby butt and cottage cheese thighs but these 2 exercises will help firm up those areas.  What's more, you can do squats & lunges anywhere because they don't require equipment.  Break out a few squats at work in the middle of a meeting or a lunge while you wait for the train.  Add in some free weights and make this a compound exercise (See below).

Free weightsThe beauty of free weights is the freedom of movement. Machines lock your body into a fixed position determined by the machine. Face it, we are all different shapes and sizes and these machines are forcing your body to take on a path of motion that is probably not natural for you. Also, use the free weights and add on a shoulder press or bicep curl to your squats and lunges, and you have a full body compound exercise just like that. BOOM!  On top of everything else, they are convenient and inexpensive if you want to purchase a set for your home.

Push-ups - These work out so many muscles in the upper body.  They work your chest, back, triceps, shoulders and forearms. Don't worry if you can't do military-style push-ups.  Do a modified version: girl push-ups, on your knees, or an even more modified version, on the wall.  But still try to work your way up to real push-ups though. The only way to get better at them, is to DO IT!  

And finally, if your muscles ain't hurting, you're not working hard enough.  

*For all of yall looking at my pic thinking I know this chick isn't giving me gym advice, this was written in collaboration with my sis who is a certified personal trainer.  Nah-nah-nee-boo-boo.

Monday, January 2, 2012

What I wore: Christmas Eve AND New Years Eve

Yeah, I wore the same outfit twice within one week...and what! Ha!  So, I wanted to share this outfit with yall cuz a) I look gorgeous and b) my whole outfit was less than $50.  Told yall I was a Maxxinista!

Dress - Dorothy Perkins
Tights - Target
Belt - Forever 21
Shoes - Forever 21
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