Wednesday, November 30, 2011

That was you??

My sister calls this pic Jolly ol St. Nichol-crys.  (LMAO, that still cracks me up everytime).  Usually when I show people this picture I get the same reaction, "That was you???"

This was me, Christmas 2005.  I never actually weighed myself but I'm deducing that I was about 250 pounds in this picture.  Yikes!  It still amazes me that I used to look like that cuz that is not what I saw in the mirror.

Fast forward to Christmas 2007 when I decided I wanted to start getting fit.  Not for anyone else, but for me.  I wanted to live my best life, and I needed to be ALIVE to live it.  I called up my local gym on January 2, asked for a trainer, and the rest is history. The End.  Well, not really.  Losing weight is a process, that's why people often call it a journey.  You learn a lot about yourself, your body, your habits, everything.  Here are a few things I learned during my journey.

1. You can't do it by yourself, get a trainer.  Some people think a trainer is a waste of money, but I wouldn't have gotten where I am without mine.  Your trainer pushes you to the point of exhaustion and pain, but it's worth it.  I mean, they're the experts in getting you thin, you're the expert in getting yourself fat.

2. Just because you start to work out does NOT mean you will automatically lose weight.  The first 3 months of my workout, I lost 5 pounds.  FIVE POUNDS. My trainer asked me if I changed my diet, and I hadn't.  Well, you kinda have to do that as well.

3. For the first couple of months, you will be hungry ALL THE TIME.  Your body is adjusting to a healthier lifestyle, you're burning more calories, and eating smaller portions.  Your body will hate you for this.  But, push through that feeling.  You will think about food 24 hours a day.  Don't worry, it's normal.  You will begin to hate food; that which was once your friend will become your foe.  Don't worry, it's normal.  This is when most people fall off the wagon, but you have to press through this.

4. Weight Watchers.  I will forever sing their praises (It's a neeeewwwwwwwwww day *JHud voice*).  I'm just as tired as yall are of JHud telling me she's a size 0, but WW really works.  You can still eat food, just not as much.  WW monitors your portions, which we as Americans never do.  Like seriously, when was the last time you measured your cereal?? Well, I did.  After being on WW for 1 1/2 years, measuring your food and following the serving sizes becomes your routine.

5. Don't weigh yourself every day.  I actually only weighed myself once a month.  Your body weight fluctuates every single day and it's very easy to get addicted to 'your number'.  So, let it go.  Do your work outs, eat right, and check in once a month to see your progress.  Trust me, seeing you lost 5 pounds makes you feel better than .5.

6. Eat every 3 hours.  Now, I'm not talking about eating a value meal every 3 hours, but you definitely need to snack.  Once your metabolism kicks in, and it will, you need to keep it properly functioning.

*At my lowest weight, 194 pounds

7. Let go of your number!  You know, that number of how much you weigh.  When I finally reached 199 pounds, I called the local news and threw a ticker tape parade in the streets of Maryland.  Then I realized, I had been holding on to the shame of my number my whole life.  Not anymore.  It is, after all, just a number.  (And for those who are curious, I'm currently 215 pounds.  There, see how easy that was??)

*My current weight

8. Don't replace your whole wardrobe.  I went from a size 20 to 12 in a year and a half.  However, I did not buy clothes for every size I was in between.  Get your staples (jeans, a few shirts, dresses and most importantly belts!)  Trust me, you'll feel wonderful the moment you walk into a skinny-girl store and no one is looking at you side ways....

9. You have to maintain it, or you'll gain it all back.  In the middle of my weight loss journey, I moved to NYC.  For the first few months, I was good.  Even got down to 194 pounds.  My body was in shock from all the walking I think.  But then, New York started getting comfortable to me.  Not to mention, it is INCREDIBLY expensive to eat healthy.  So, poor grad student + NYC, the food capital of the world = 25 extra pounds.  It happened slowly, over the course of 18 months.  So, what was my first move...get a trainer.

10. Remember, it takes time.  It took you a lifetime to gain it, you'll have to wait a lil while to lose it.

So, here I am today.  I just recently lost 5 pounds this month (yes, even over Thanksgiving; it's possible).  I see my trainer about 2 days a week & work out on my own at least twice.  I'm making smarter food choices, but not depriving myself.  I still get a Big Mac or Mojito when I feel like it, I just do it in moderation.  So, that's my weight loss journey.  I can't wait to hear yours!

*Sorry this post is so long, but I could talk about this for hours.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Looking like wealth, I'm bout to call the paparazzi on my self!

Look at that picture...I LOVE ME!

If you've ever met me you know how true this statement is.  I think I'm amazing!  I love everything about me.  From my hair, to my body, to my gigantic brain...I think I'm the ... well you know.  People often wonder where I get this fabulous self-confidence.  Well I'll let you in on my lil secret...I don't care.

It definitely took me years to get to a state of not caring.  Like every other pleasantly plump pre-teen, I was self-concious of my body, never knew if I was cool enough, scared to talk to boys, etc.  But then I got to a point where I stopped caring.  When you don't care what other people think about you, it's incredibly freeing.  I live my life by my own rules and no one else's.

My name is Crystal, my friends call me Div.  I don't do heels.  I don't do make up.  I barely do name-brands.  At my highest weight I was 250 pounds.  I laugh every single day, usually at myself.  I never take myself seriously.  And most importantly, I'm God's child which automatically makes me FLY.

So, when will you get to your state of not caring?? I'm telling you, that's when you'll live your best life.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Christmas Countdown: Most memorable gift

Christmas is my fav time of year. I get to spend time with my family laughing & eating, two things we do well.  Also, today marks Cyber Monday, meaning instead of doing work at work, you're probably buying your Christmas presents online right now.  Shame on all of yall.  Well, in honor of the upcoming Christmas season, I wanted to share my most memorable Christmas gift.

My most memorable Christmas gift came from my little sister, circa Christmas 1992.  I was 8 years old and my sister was 5. At our school, they set up at Santa's workshop so kids could buy gifts for their parents, grandparents, friends, etc.  Now that I think about it, all they ever really sold were over-priced #1 Mom mugs (of which my mother has 143), but I digress.  So my sister made her list of gifts to buy and my parents gave her the money.  Fast forward to Christmas morning...I don't remember what else I got, probably 1000s of toys cuz I had been exceptionally good that year. So I go to open the gift from my sister and there it is...

....a red

.... shiny

.... sparkly

... PENCIL.  (Oh no this child DID NOT just give me a pencil for Christmas).  I understand that she was 5 and that in her lil 5 year old mind this was a cool gift, but I was pissed!  Add that on to the power wheels that my parents NEVER GOT ME and I would swear to you that I was deprived as a child.

Alas, my parents made up for the power wheel-less years with a real car on my 16th birthday and my sister's gift giving has improved considerably in the last 19 years.  During this holiday season, remember the old addage 'tis better to give than to receive' unless you're giving a pencil; then you shouldn't expect to receive anything.   

Thursday, November 24, 2011

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

I hope you're enjoying a restful, relaxing, and gluttonous day.  I'll be spending the day in Dirty Jerz with my family.  On this day of thanksgiving I just wanted to share some of the things I'm thankful for.  I'm thankful for my Lord, my family, my health and most importantly I'm thankful to John Smith & Christopher Columbus for freeing Pocahontas and the slaves so they could make a lovely celebratory turkey dinner.

So, What are yall thankful for??

Monday, November 21, 2011

City so Nice, They named it Twice

I'm talking bout New York, New York!

About 2 1/2 years ago, I decided to quit my job, go back to school and move to the Big Apple.  My mother wasn't too happy about me leaving the stability of my teaching job & secure paycheck, but once I put my mind to something it's pretty much done.

While moving to a new city takes some adjusting, I took to NYC right away.  I mastered the subways, ordering everything online, and found every happy hour within a 10 block radius of my apartment.  Living here definitely isn't for everyone, but some of the things I love MOST about this city:

The palatial living quarters. I have a gi-normous studio apartment that offers me 350 square feet of beautiful Manhattan real estate.

The wildlife. Some states have native buffalo or wild chickens; New York has native rats.  They've been here for generations and they AIN'T leaving.  Seriously, the ones here look like Master Splinter.

Free entertainment.  The subways are full of some of the most colorful characters you'll ever see.  From the couple cussing each other out on the train, to the homeless person peeing in the corner; there's never a dull moment.

You may be asking yourself, why would anyone want to live here.  Well, every single time I see this view, my heart gets a flutter. 

It's simply the greatest city on Earth!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Married? No. Single? No. Then what are you?

So, I'ma single gal.  Therefore I spend 136% of my free time looking at men.  Whenever I'm checkin out a dude, I look at his face first, THEN left hand, then usually shoes...then back to face...then most likely outfit.  Either way, at my age, you always gotta check a man's left hand to see if he's got a ring or not.  It his ring do mean a thing, then I keep it moving.  No ring, commence flirting.

The ring check has never failed me EXCEPT whenever I come across the dreaded Engaged Man.  Engaged Man usually dresses nice and comes across as confident & not trying too hard, which is always attractive.  Engaged Man is great at conversation and compliments your personality or your style.  Engaged Man is the perfect man for you except the FACT THAT HE'S ENGAGED.

The problem is, you don't know Engaged Man is engaged cuz he has no identifiable markers.  No ring, no 'soon-to-be-mister' t-shirt.  Nothing.  This is why I'm proposing that all engaged men wear lapel pins.  No, I'm serious.  The lapel pin would signal to a young lady like myself that Engaged Man is interested in nothing more than just casual conversation; that's he's off the market.  The lapel pin would let me know that I can look but I can't touch. Hey, either a lapel pin or a face tattoo that says "Don't even waste your time."

Alas, I'll continue my search for the perfect man & you Engaged Man can go on your marry way.

Friday, November 18, 2011

You Can't Take Everybody with You

So, I'm an avid sports fan, Go Steelers!  (Well, maybe not all sports, but definitely basketball & football.)  One thing that urks me to no end is athletes making dumb decisions, especially Black male athletes.  This brings me to the title of this post: "You Can't Take Everybody with You."  

No one understands the truth in this saying more than Mike Vick.  Mike Vick was on top of the world, starting QB for the Falcons & cuz his homies/boys/posse was still 'living that life' HIS ass ended up in jail.  He's not the only one, there are countless others.  Professional athletes get paid zillions of dollars to play sports all day, ery day & they still wanna hang out in the clubs with their boys all night (DeSean Jackson).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  They wanna meet up with random HO-fessionals on Twitter & can't remember all their kids names (Antonio Cromartie).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  Their dads try to sell them to the highest bidder despite the fact that slavery ended 200 years ago AND it's an NCAA violation (Cam Newton).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  They wanna bring guns up in the club then shoot themselves in their own thigh then go to jail for 2 years (Plax).  Nah, you got to much to lose.   

The moral of the story: yes, always remember where you come from & the people who knew you when.  But, you can't take EVERYbody with you, some people might have to stay home; after all, you got too much to lose. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Who are you, again?

So I'm sure you're wondering why I named this blog Crystal Meth-odology. Well, obviously it's my love of illegal drugs. OR cuz my name is Crystal. I'm a simple girl living it up in NYC. I'm an educator by day & Superwoman by night. I love my family, friends, food, & Justin Bieber.

A few months ago I joined Twidda & it changed my life. I had a depository for all the random thoughts in my head...and there are many. But 140 characters wasn't enough for all this knowledge. So here's 5 reasons I decided to start this blog:

1. I have A LOT to say. Ask anyone who knows me, I could talk all day.

2. I'm smarter than you. No really, I am.

3. I have an opinion on everything. What better way to express myself than writing to you, my 2 loyal readers.

4. I'm always right. You'll see this as time goes on, but I'm usually right on the money.

And finally...

5. Have you seen me?? (Bottom right corner.) I'm freakin gorgeous!

The Year of the HO-fessional

Let me first start out by saying that I watch ALL reality TV.  Whether it's about cupcakes, Italians, or little people...I watch it all.  And since I watch it all, I consider myself to be a 'cultural critic' you might say hater.  Hey, potato/potAto.  Anyways, what I'm most concerned about these days is the rising popularity of the HO-fessional.

The HO-fessional is a woman who has gotten famous, not because of merit or talent, but because of who she's dated or slept with.  Yall know who I'm talkin about: from the Fly by Nights (Tiger Woods 3972 jump offs) to the Matriarch (Kim Kardashian) to the OG (Monica Lewinsky).  HO-fessionals are everywhere: Basketball Wives, Love & Hip Hop, and the Real Housewives are 3 steps away from it.  

For some reason, our society has placed these women on a pedestal, giving them everything from magazine covers to purse lines to $19 MILLION FOR A MARRIAGE THAT LASTED 72 DAYS (yeah, I'm talkin to you Kim K).  Now we have a whole generation of chicks running around tryna be HO-fessionals instead of PRO-fessionals.  But why? What are we teaching our young girls?  That we don't value your brain as long as you got a big butt?  Make sure you chase after athletes instead of an education? 

Ladies, it's time to reclaim your PRO-fessional status.  Be bout your business, don't get caught up in chasing after dudes & living 'that' life.  Be a lady, carry yourself as such & you're sure to be the next Ann Fudge, Valerie Jarrett or Oprah!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Herman 'Big Daddy' Cain

I will admit, I stole that nickname from another blog.  Either way, it's hilarious so I'm gonna go with it.  I'll have to admit, I haven't watched ONE GOP debate this year.  Now, I like to stay on top of current events (politics, sports, reality TV, mix tape releases), but these GOP contenders just haven't interested me at all.  Mainly because (1) I'm still rocking with my man fiddy grand Barack and (2) all the GOP contenders look nutso to me.

That brings me to Herman 'Big Daddy' Cain.  No, I'm not gonna talk about the harassment allegations. Do I think he did it?? Hell if I know.  No, I'm not gonna talk about his 9-9-9 tax plan.  Do I think it's a good idea?? I dunno, is he gonna forgive my student loans??  What I WILL talk about is his majestic baritone singing voice.

I know yall have heard Herman 'Heavenly Voice' Cain sing.  (If not, YouTube it immediately.)  His voice is amazing!  I loved every second of ol' Herm taking it to chuuuurch.  Whether he is guilty of the allegations or not, I loved Herm breaking out in an old hymn in front of all those White people.  (PS Herm, that makes em prolly shouldn't do that again.)  Now, I know I'm not gonna vote for ol' Herm to be President in 2012, but I tell you what I will vote for him for...

American Idol.
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