Friday, December 30, 2011

My Year in Review

So I was gonna do one of those cool "Best moments in 2011" but pop culture is so fast-pace, I can't remember anything that happened before last Tuesday. Therefore, I'ma share MY Best Moments of 2011.

April ~ Black Alumni Weekend at The University of Virginia, the #2 public university in the nation!  BAW is always a great time to catch up with my Wahoos & do Wahooligan things.  The highlight of this year had to be Biz Markie.  I know what you're thinking, but don't sleep on Biz on the 1's and 2's

May ~ VIP tickets to see Musiq.  Thanks to one of my good friends, I got to see my man Musiq live!  He sang all my faves, especially Loooooooooooveeee (that was me singing).  And we got this picture.  And no, I'm not wearing heels, he's just a lil man. 

June ~ 1st Annual Girls Vacation.  This year we went to Aruba & we had an amazing time.  Our days went like this: wake up, beach, drink, beach, eat, drink, pool, eat, party, bed.  (Just writing this, makes me wish I had an Aruba Ariba in my hand.)  We had an amazing 6 days laying up in a phat suite, yeah I said phat.  Can't wait to do it again...wonder where we're going this year??

July ~ I celebrated my SIN-sational Twenty Seventh! 

October ~ Finished my 2nd Masters degree.  I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this joint.  Although you can't call me Dr. Div just yet, I'm still pretty proud of myself.  I finished my Ed.M. in Sociology and Education from Teachers College, Columbia University.  Oh, yall ain't know I was gorgeous AND smart!

November ~ Started this blog!  And for that you are ALL appreciative.

So, let's have a toast to 2011 and here's wishing that 2012 is even better!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Book Review: A Belle in Brooklyn

As the learn-ed scholar that I am, you would think that I love to read.  Well, I used to...3 college degrees ago.  I recently completed my 2nd Masters and vowed that I would rekindle my love for reading.  So I got a NYPL library card & got to it.  My first book after my 10 year hiatus was A Belle in Brooklyn.

I started following Belle on Twitter a while ago.  (I refer to her as Belle cuz we are BFFs in my head.)  The first thing I noticed about her was the platinum blonde streaks in her hair...I adore them.  (More on this later.)  Belle started off working at magazines and eventually started a blog which lead to this fab book.  A Belle in Brooklyn is basically the life story & life lessons of a 20-something making her way through NYC.  Wait a minute, I'M a 20-something making my way through NYC!  I love Belle's candor & reading the book feels like your girlfriend recounting all the hilariously awkward and awesome moments of her life.  What I love the most about Belle is her assertiveness.  As a sweet, shy (no really, I am) gal myself, I admire the way Belle fearlessly handles relationships, career decisions, and tackles this great big beautiful city.

So, cheers to you Belle & all of us Belles-in-the-making. 

Next up for Div's Book Club: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands by Chelsea Handler.  The title alone is hilarious to me...thanks for the recommendation Kimmy T.

PS. What yall think about me getting platinum blonde streaks???? :-)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Petition: Keep the Kardashians out of sports

As I've mentioned before, I'm an avid sports fan.  As a fan, I must say the WORST thing to happen to sports in the last 5 years (besides the cheating, gambling, & Sandusky-ing) is the Kardashians.  Let me give you a lil history of these ladies.

Reggie Bush was the first.  He dated Kim while he was on the New Orleans Saints.  When the Saints won the Superbowl in 2009, it was a great moment for Reggie.  Every athlete's goal is to win the championship in their respective sport.  Well, while Reggie was being interviewed & congratulated, who decided that was the perfect time to jump on the field and take a seat??  Kim Kardashian.  This man just won a SUPERBOWL but somehow this became her moment.  I saw the look in Reggie's eye (something to the effect of oh no this B---- didn't!)...he dropped her shortly after.

Lamar Odom was next.  He's an average player in the NBA.  He won 6th man of the year recently, so he's on the better end of the average players.  He married Khloe a few years back & despite what everyone thought, they're still going strong.  Lamar just got traded to the Mavs & instead of the news story being about why the hell any team would want Lamar Odom, it was about whether or not Khloe would be okay moving to Dallas!  Umm, how about we don't care.  Sit down, shut up & cheer just like every other NBA wife.

Kris Humphries, who you probably never heard of before April, is the most recent Kardashian victim.  Last week, he was voted the most hated NBA player.  Now explain to me how a man who averages 14 MPG, 5.6 PPG and  has been on 4 teams in 9 years could be the most hated player?  Maybe it was his sham of a 72-day marriage to America's #1 Ho-fessional, Kim K.

And let us not forget the shell of a man that was formerly Bruce Jenner.  By the looks of their E! reality show, Bruce has been totally emasculated (he's not doing himself any favors with that horrible face lift either).  Bruce was an Olympic athlete...he was on a Wheaties box for crying out loud.  Now, he just looks like Billie Jean King.  I like Bruce, I really do...I think he's the only voice of reason in that cacophony of stupidity.  If he know like I know, he should just count his losses and get out now.   

Look, I respect everybody's hustle.  If you a ho-fessional, then be a ho-fessional.  Go sell some more perfume, make another sex tape, or whatever you do....just please, stay away from sports.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Twidda taught me

*Twidda is trademarked by me (and a few others) and refers to Black Twitter.  Black Twitter is where things go to die.

I joined twitter (@AllEyesOnDiv) in June of this year after years of fighting it.  I couldn't comprehend how people would need to update their lives constantly or why anyone would even care.  Little did I know, Twitter was the best thing to happen to me.  Twitter was the place for all my random thoughts and my new #1 news & comedy source.  And then I stumbled upon Twidda, Twitter's step-brother's cousins baby's moms....and that's when things got interesting.  Here are a few things I discovered on Twidda.

1. Women have low self-esteem.  I know, that's not new.  But self-esteem is at an all time low on Twidda.  If you wake up one morning & decide to take a picture of yourself butt naked and put it up on the WORLD WIDE WEB, you probably have low self-esteem.

2. Men are shallow visual creatures.  Do you think guys follow girls on Twidda because their tweets are funny, witty, inspiring, and thought-provoking?? Uhhh, nah.  Guys follow girls in the hopes that those girls will eventually get butt naked.  Noticing a trend here?

3. Some stereotypes are RIGHT.  Case in point, apparently Michael Jordan released his 5782467th shoe.  Do you know what people were doin yesterday?? Standing in line for those shoes.  Do you know what happened with the payroll tax yesterday?? Didn't think so.

All in all, I love Twitter; I love Black people.  But sometimes, we gotta do better.

What are your favorite/most hilarious moments on Twidda??

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Recipe Rundown: Short Ribs

Sunday has always been on of my favorite days of the week.  In my family, Sundays are for Church, Lifetime movies, Football/Basketball, and Food.  So I've decided to share some of my favorite recipes with yall.  Today's recipe rundown is my mom's famous short ribs!  (Whoops, hope this isn't a secret family recipe.)

You'll need:

Short Ribs
1 packet of onion soup mix
1 can of cream of Mushroom soup
1 c. of water
salt & pepper to taste

1. Salt & Pepper your short ribs

2. Brown them on top of the stove

3. Mix in onion soup mix & 1/2 cup of water

4. Cover & Bake at 350 degrees for 40 mins.
5. Add cream of mushroom soup and 1/2 cup of water.  Cover & Bake for another 45 mins.

By now, your kitchen will smell amazing 

6. Stir & put back in the oven until short ribs fall off the bone.

All in all, this takes about 3 hours to be delicious! 

Happy eating!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas Countdown: Favorite Christmas Songs

As I've told yall already, I LOVE Christmas.  The day after Thanksgiving, I unleash the Holiday playlist on my iPhone & I rock out until Dec. 25.  There are definitely Christmas classics that everyone knows:
  1. Mariah Carey Merry Christmas is undoubtedly the best Christmas album ever
  2. Anything by the Temptations & Jackson 5.  What can I say, they're legends
  3. Donny Hathaway "This Christmas" is one of the most amazing songs ever written!
  4. The Preacher's Wife Soundtrack.  What can I say, pre-crack Whitney was pretty damn great.
  5. Chuck Brown "Merry Christmas Baby" for my DMV heads

And then there are some new jams that I think are instant classics.

Best version of "This Christmas": Chris Brown


Best Half on a Baby Christmas Song: Justin Bieber "Christmas Eve"

Most underrated Christmas Song: Katy Perry - "White Christmas"

My most-played Christmas Song: Rascal Flatts - "I'll be home for Christmas"

I couldn't find these videos on YouTube Honorable Mentions: 

Best Jesus is the Reason Song: Kelly Price - "Messiah has come"
Instant Classic: Stevie Wonder & India.Arie - "The Christmas Song"

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Fried Chicken, Watermelon & Hip Hop

For those that don't know, fried chicken, watermelon & Hip Hop are the keys to Black people's heart!  Well at least, this is what advertisers think.

Exhibit A: Popeye's Lady

If she shakes her neck at me one more time!!! HONEY!  Besides the fact that this woman is selling fried chicken, she's doing it in the most stereotypical dialect possible.  She might as well say Come get this chicken fo massah see you.  Trust me Popeyes, Black people will continue to buy your chicken even without all the finger waggin.

Exhibit B: McDonald's
When I say 'Chicken', yall say 'McNugget' ... "Chicken" "McNugget"

We already have a McDonald's on every block in Harlem, there is no need for an enticing hip hop beat in your commercials.

Exhibit C: Sneakers

Now I KNOW Black people aren't the only ones who wear shoes...

Exhibit D - Z: Any commercial on BET

Do yall realize advertisers make different commercials for different channels?? Have you ever seen a Dr. Miracle's commercial on channel 4?? I rest my case.

In 2011, you would think that as a country we have progressed past tried and true stereotypes of yesteryear.  However, just read a newspaper cartoon, type "why do Black people" on Google, or in this case turn on the TV to see that we haven't really made it that far.


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Play for Pay?

Do you know how much universities make off of collegiate sports? A gazillion dollars.

Recently, college athletes & their programs have gotten in trouble for getting free stuff: cars, tattoos, houses, pre-marital sex. While this is against NCAA policies, can you blame these guys? They work just as hard as professional athletes but with 0% of the pay. Now I understand they get scholarships & stipends, but is it enough? Especially when you consider that collegiate sports has become such a big business and largely on free labor; these schools are profiting on the backs of their athletes.

The most pressing issue for me is that many of these athletes are Black...40 million dollar slaves, indeed. They're promised a world class education, prospects to go to the league, but how many of them actually make it? What happens to the athlete who has spent 4 years taking classes that fit around a practice schedule rather than fit into a major? How many athletes have tutors (and/or ho-fessionals) doing their homework so they can focus on studying plays?

While I'm sure this happens to students of all colors, Black males disproportionately get the short end of the stick (I know, tell you something you don't know.) As if K-12 educational options for Black males weren't challenging enough, now they're getting screwed post-secondary too?

I'm not advocating for these athletes to break the rules but we have to look at why they're are doing it. Would YOU work for a million-dollar corporation that paid you in homework, hoodies & harlots.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Chick who Hates Chick Flicks

I HATE ROMANTIC COMEDIES!  I hate everything about them.  From the acting, to the horrible & predictable dialogue and story lines.  I'd rather potty train a 2 year old then watch one.

To me, romantic comedies just aren't believable.  There's no way a woman that looks like Scarlett Johannsen is living in an apartment in NYC and her next door neighbor just happens to look like Ryan Reynolds.  That's not real.  I've lived in NYC for nearly 3 years and my next door neighbor is a 70 year old Puerto Rican woman.  Also, all these movies have a happy ending.  Like seriously, all the problems in these people's lives are solved in 90 mins??  Nuh uh.  Not real.  What I dislike the most about these movies is that the 'comedy' in romantic comedy always seems to be missing.  I've never taken Meg Ryan to be much of a stand-up comedian.  And, I can figure out the whole story line after I watch the opening credits.  Girl meets boy, girl loves boy, sad stuff happens, boy loves girl again, The End.  Long story short (don't you hate when people say that), if you wanna take me on a date to see a movie, there better be a fart joke or a fine Black man; otherwise consider that your first and last date.

What kind of movies would I rather watch?  Well, obviously Tyler Perry films....they're more credible.

~ @AllEyesOnDiv

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Everything's better with Bacon

Sooo, I LOVE food.  I love all kinds of food.  Chinese Food, Italian Food, Mexican Food, Soul Food, Seoul Food; I love it all.  But I especially love bacon.  Not turkey bacon, not Canadian bacon, pig bacon.  Food just tastes better with bacon.  Put a lil in your vegetables; from drab to fab.  Macaroni & cheese; as if it needed anything to make it better, but it does.  I've even heard rumors of a bacon & maple flavored cupcake.  ($20 to the person who gets me one of THOSE.)  Ahhh alas, this is my love song to bacon.

Tomorrow I will follow this post with a sonnet to carrots.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Christmas Countdown: Merry Christmas from Whitney Houston

Remember before Whitney did crack.

Then after.

In the spirit of Christmas giving, I would like to share with you all one of my favorite Christmas past times.  I hope you all enjoy this clip as much as my sister and I do.

Disclaimer: Before anyone gets all up in arms about this post, I LOVE Whitney Houston.  Ever since I was 5 years old I swore I was gonna be a singer when I grew up & it's because of this lady.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

But, I can't get my hair wet

...the famous last words of every Black girl on the planet.

As Black women we are more attached to our hair then anything else.  Ask a Black women if she would rather be bald or lose an arm....9 times outta 10, she'd rather be maimed.  I get it, I too am extremely attached to my hair, but as Black women we miss out on some stuff simply because we don't wanna get our hair wet.

Swimming: Yeah, we go swimming, but there is definitely preparation that goes into it.  Not to mention those horrible looking swim caps which went out in 1924.  Riding in convertibles:  Well, I dunno if we're actually missing out on anything here, but I've never done it and probably never will.  Working out: I used this excuse for 23 years ... which explains how I ballooned up to 250 pounds.

Long hair, short hair, natural or weave; ladies we are beautiful either way!  Just please, oh please...

stay away from lacefronts! 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

That was you??

My sister calls this pic Jolly ol St. Nichol-crys.  (LMAO, that still cracks me up everytime).  Usually when I show people this picture I get the same reaction, "That was you???"

This was me, Christmas 2005.  I never actually weighed myself but I'm deducing that I was about 250 pounds in this picture.  Yikes!  It still amazes me that I used to look like that cuz that is not what I saw in the mirror.

Fast forward to Christmas 2007 when I decided I wanted to start getting fit.  Not for anyone else, but for me.  I wanted to live my best life, and I needed to be ALIVE to live it.  I called up my local gym on January 2, asked for a trainer, and the rest is history. The End.  Well, not really.  Losing weight is a process, that's why people often call it a journey.  You learn a lot about yourself, your body, your habits, everything.  Here are a few things I learned during my journey.

1. You can't do it by yourself, get a trainer.  Some people think a trainer is a waste of money, but I wouldn't have gotten where I am without mine.  Your trainer pushes you to the point of exhaustion and pain, but it's worth it.  I mean, they're the experts in getting you thin, you're the expert in getting yourself fat.

2. Just because you start to work out does NOT mean you will automatically lose weight.  The first 3 months of my workout, I lost 5 pounds.  FIVE POUNDS. My trainer asked me if I changed my diet, and I hadn't.  Well, you kinda have to do that as well.

3. For the first couple of months, you will be hungry ALL THE TIME.  Your body is adjusting to a healthier lifestyle, you're burning more calories, and eating smaller portions.  Your body will hate you for this.  But, push through that feeling.  You will think about food 24 hours a day.  Don't worry, it's normal.  You will begin to hate food; that which was once your friend will become your foe.  Don't worry, it's normal.  This is when most people fall off the wagon, but you have to press through this.

4. Weight Watchers.  I will forever sing their praises (It's a neeeewwwwwwwwww day *JHud voice*).  I'm just as tired as yall are of JHud telling me she's a size 0, but WW really works.  You can still eat food, just not as much.  WW monitors your portions, which we as Americans never do.  Like seriously, when was the last time you measured your cereal?? Well, I did.  After being on WW for 1 1/2 years, measuring your food and following the serving sizes becomes your routine.

5. Don't weigh yourself every day.  I actually only weighed myself once a month.  Your body weight fluctuates every single day and it's very easy to get addicted to 'your number'.  So, let it go.  Do your work outs, eat right, and check in once a month to see your progress.  Trust me, seeing you lost 5 pounds makes you feel better than .5.

6. Eat every 3 hours.  Now, I'm not talking about eating a value meal every 3 hours, but you definitely need to snack.  Once your metabolism kicks in, and it will, you need to keep it properly functioning.

*At my lowest weight, 194 pounds

7. Let go of your number!  You know, that number of how much you weigh.  When I finally reached 199 pounds, I called the local news and threw a ticker tape parade in the streets of Maryland.  Then I realized, I had been holding on to the shame of my number my whole life.  Not anymore.  It is, after all, just a number.  (And for those who are curious, I'm currently 215 pounds.  There, see how easy that was??)

*My current weight

8. Don't replace your whole wardrobe.  I went from a size 20 to 12 in a year and a half.  However, I did not buy clothes for every size I was in between.  Get your staples (jeans, a few shirts, dresses and most importantly belts!)  Trust me, you'll feel wonderful the moment you walk into a skinny-girl store and no one is looking at you side ways....

9. You have to maintain it, or you'll gain it all back.  In the middle of my weight loss journey, I moved to NYC.  For the first few months, I was good.  Even got down to 194 pounds.  My body was in shock from all the walking I think.  But then, New York started getting comfortable to me.  Not to mention, it is INCREDIBLY expensive to eat healthy.  So, poor grad student + NYC, the food capital of the world = 25 extra pounds.  It happened slowly, over the course of 18 months.  So, what was my first move...get a trainer.

10. Remember, it takes time.  It took you a lifetime to gain it, you'll have to wait a lil while to lose it.

So, here I am today.  I just recently lost 5 pounds this month (yes, even over Thanksgiving; it's possible).  I see my trainer about 2 days a week & work out on my own at least twice.  I'm making smarter food choices, but not depriving myself.  I still get a Big Mac or Mojito when I feel like it, I just do it in moderation.  So, that's my weight loss journey.  I can't wait to hear yours!

*Sorry this post is so long, but I could talk about this for hours.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Looking like wealth, I'm bout to call the paparazzi on my self!

Look at that picture...I LOVE ME!

If you've ever met me you know how true this statement is.  I think I'm amazing!  I love everything about me.  From my hair, to my body, to my gigantic brain...I think I'm the ... well you know.  People often wonder where I get this fabulous self-confidence.  Well I'll let you in on my lil secret...I don't care.

It definitely took me years to get to a state of not caring.  Like every other pleasantly plump pre-teen, I was self-concious of my body, never knew if I was cool enough, scared to talk to boys, etc.  But then I got to a point where I stopped caring.  When you don't care what other people think about you, it's incredibly freeing.  I live my life by my own rules and no one else's.

My name is Crystal, my friends call me Div.  I don't do heels.  I don't do make up.  I barely do name-brands.  At my highest weight I was 250 pounds.  I laugh every single day, usually at myself.  I never take myself seriously.  And most importantly, I'm God's child which automatically makes me FLY.

So, when will you get to your state of not caring?? I'm telling you, that's when you'll live your best life.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Christmas Countdown: Most memorable gift

Christmas is my fav time of year. I get to spend time with my family laughing & eating, two things we do well.  Also, today marks Cyber Monday, meaning instead of doing work at work, you're probably buying your Christmas presents online right now.  Shame on all of yall.  Well, in honor of the upcoming Christmas season, I wanted to share my most memorable Christmas gift.

My most memorable Christmas gift came from my little sister, circa Christmas 1992.  I was 8 years old and my sister was 5. At our school, they set up at Santa's workshop so kids could buy gifts for their parents, grandparents, friends, etc.  Now that I think about it, all they ever really sold were over-priced #1 Mom mugs (of which my mother has 143), but I digress.  So my sister made her list of gifts to buy and my parents gave her the money.  Fast forward to Christmas morning...I don't remember what else I got, probably 1000s of toys cuz I had been exceptionally good that year. So I go to open the gift from my sister and there it is...

....a red

.... shiny

.... sparkly

... PENCIL.  (Oh no this child DID NOT just give me a pencil for Christmas).  I understand that she was 5 and that in her lil 5 year old mind this was a cool gift, but I was pissed!  Add that on to the power wheels that my parents NEVER GOT ME and I would swear to you that I was deprived as a child.

Alas, my parents made up for the power wheel-less years with a real car on my 16th birthday and my sister's gift giving has improved considerably in the last 19 years.  During this holiday season, remember the old addage 'tis better to give than to receive' unless you're giving a pencil; then you shouldn't expect to receive anything.   

Thursday, November 24, 2011

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

I hope you're enjoying a restful, relaxing, and gluttonous day.  I'll be spending the day in Dirty Jerz with my family.  On this day of thanksgiving I just wanted to share some of the things I'm thankful for.  I'm thankful for my Lord, my family, my health and most importantly I'm thankful to John Smith & Christopher Columbus for freeing Pocahontas and the slaves so they could make a lovely celebratory turkey dinner.

So, What are yall thankful for??

Monday, November 21, 2011

City so Nice, They named it Twice

I'm talking bout New York, New York!

About 2 1/2 years ago, I decided to quit my job, go back to school and move to the Big Apple.  My mother wasn't too happy about me leaving the stability of my teaching job & secure paycheck, but once I put my mind to something it's pretty much done.

While moving to a new city takes some adjusting, I took to NYC right away.  I mastered the subways, ordering everything online, and found every happy hour within a 10 block radius of my apartment.  Living here definitely isn't for everyone, but some of the things I love MOST about this city:

The palatial living quarters. I have a gi-normous studio apartment that offers me 350 square feet of beautiful Manhattan real estate.

The wildlife. Some states have native buffalo or wild chickens; New York has native rats.  They've been here for generations and they AIN'T leaving.  Seriously, the ones here look like Master Splinter.

Free entertainment.  The subways are full of some of the most colorful characters you'll ever see.  From the couple cussing each other out on the train, to the homeless person peeing in the corner; there's never a dull moment.

You may be asking yourself, why would anyone want to live here.  Well, every single time I see this view, my heart gets a flutter. 

It's simply the greatest city on Earth!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Married? No. Single? No. Then what are you?

So, I'ma single gal.  Therefore I spend 136% of my free time looking at men.  Whenever I'm checkin out a dude, I look at his face first, THEN left hand, then usually shoes...then back to face...then most likely outfit.  Either way, at my age, you always gotta check a man's left hand to see if he's got a ring or not.  It his ring do mean a thing, then I keep it moving.  No ring, commence flirting.

The ring check has never failed me EXCEPT whenever I come across the dreaded Engaged Man.  Engaged Man usually dresses nice and comes across as confident & not trying too hard, which is always attractive.  Engaged Man is great at conversation and compliments your personality or your style.  Engaged Man is the perfect man for you except the FACT THAT HE'S ENGAGED.

The problem is, you don't know Engaged Man is engaged cuz he has no identifiable markers.  No ring, no 'soon-to-be-mister' t-shirt.  Nothing.  This is why I'm proposing that all engaged men wear lapel pins.  No, I'm serious.  The lapel pin would signal to a young lady like myself that Engaged Man is interested in nothing more than just casual conversation; that's he's off the market.  The lapel pin would let me know that I can look but I can't touch. Hey, either a lapel pin or a face tattoo that says "Don't even waste your time."

Alas, I'll continue my search for the perfect man & you Engaged Man can go on your marry way.

Friday, November 18, 2011

You Can't Take Everybody with You

So, I'm an avid sports fan, Go Steelers!  (Well, maybe not all sports, but definitely basketball & football.)  One thing that urks me to no end is athletes making dumb decisions, especially Black male athletes.  This brings me to the title of this post: "You Can't Take Everybody with You."  

No one understands the truth in this saying more than Mike Vick.  Mike Vick was on top of the world, starting QB for the Falcons & cuz his homies/boys/posse was still 'living that life' HIS ass ended up in jail.  He's not the only one, there are countless others.  Professional athletes get paid zillions of dollars to play sports all day, ery day & they still wanna hang out in the clubs with their boys all night (DeSean Jackson).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  They wanna meet up with random HO-fessionals on Twitter & can't remember all their kids names (Antonio Cromartie).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  Their dads try to sell them to the highest bidder despite the fact that slavery ended 200 years ago AND it's an NCAA violation (Cam Newton).  Nah, you got too much to lose.  They wanna bring guns up in the club then shoot themselves in their own thigh then go to jail for 2 years (Plax).  Nah, you got to much to lose.   

The moral of the story: yes, always remember where you come from & the people who knew you when.  But, you can't take EVERYbody with you, some people might have to stay home; after all, you got too much to lose. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Who are you, again?

So I'm sure you're wondering why I named this blog Crystal Meth-odology. Well, obviously it's my love of illegal drugs. OR cuz my name is Crystal. I'm a simple girl living it up in NYC. I'm an educator by day & Superwoman by night. I love my family, friends, food, & Justin Bieber.

A few months ago I joined Twidda & it changed my life. I had a depository for all the random thoughts in my head...and there are many. But 140 characters wasn't enough for all this knowledge. So here's 5 reasons I decided to start this blog:

1. I have A LOT to say. Ask anyone who knows me, I could talk all day.

2. I'm smarter than you. No really, I am.

3. I have an opinion on everything. What better way to express myself than writing to you, my 2 loyal readers.

4. I'm always right. You'll see this as time goes on, but I'm usually right on the money.

And finally...

5. Have you seen me?? (Bottom right corner.) I'm freakin gorgeous!

The Year of the HO-fessional

Let me first start out by saying that I watch ALL reality TV.  Whether it's about cupcakes, Italians, or little people...I watch it all.  And since I watch it all, I consider myself to be a 'cultural critic' you might say hater.  Hey, potato/potAto.  Anyways, what I'm most concerned about these days is the rising popularity of the HO-fessional.

The HO-fessional is a woman who has gotten famous, not because of merit or talent, but because of who she's dated or slept with.  Yall know who I'm talkin about: from the Fly by Nights (Tiger Woods 3972 jump offs) to the Matriarch (Kim Kardashian) to the OG (Monica Lewinsky).  HO-fessionals are everywhere: Basketball Wives, Love & Hip Hop, and the Real Housewives are 3 steps away from it.  

For some reason, our society has placed these women on a pedestal, giving them everything from magazine covers to purse lines to $19 MILLION FOR A MARRIAGE THAT LASTED 72 DAYS (yeah, I'm talkin to you Kim K).  Now we have a whole generation of chicks running around tryna be HO-fessionals instead of PRO-fessionals.  But why? What are we teaching our young girls?  That we don't value your brain as long as you got a big butt?  Make sure you chase after athletes instead of an education? 

Ladies, it's time to reclaim your PRO-fessional status.  Be bout your business, don't get caught up in chasing after dudes & living 'that' life.  Be a lady, carry yourself as such & you're sure to be the next Ann Fudge, Valerie Jarrett or Oprah!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Herman 'Big Daddy' Cain

I will admit, I stole that nickname from another blog.  Either way, it's hilarious so I'm gonna go with it.  I'll have to admit, I haven't watched ONE GOP debate this year.  Now, I like to stay on top of current events (politics, sports, reality TV, mix tape releases), but these GOP contenders just haven't interested me at all.  Mainly because (1) I'm still rocking with my man fiddy grand Barack and (2) all the GOP contenders look nutso to me.

That brings me to Herman 'Big Daddy' Cain.  No, I'm not gonna talk about the harassment allegations. Do I think he did it?? Hell if I know.  No, I'm not gonna talk about his 9-9-9 tax plan.  Do I think it's a good idea?? I dunno, is he gonna forgive my student loans??  What I WILL talk about is his majestic baritone singing voice.

I know yall have heard Herman 'Heavenly Voice' Cain sing.  (If not, YouTube it immediately.)  His voice is amazing!  I loved every second of ol' Herm taking it to chuuuurch.  Whether he is guilty of the allegations or not, I loved Herm breaking out in an old hymn in front of all those White people.  (PS Herm, that makes em prolly shouldn't do that again.)  Now, I know I'm not gonna vote for ol' Herm to be President in 2012, but I tell you what I will vote for him for...

American Idol.
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