Saturday, December 29, 2012

New Year's Affirmations

I don't usually do the whole resolution thing; I believe in being great 365 days a year not just on January 1.  But since 2013 is the start of some new changes in my life, I decided to share my resolutions affirmations with yall this year.

  1. Do something that scares me.  Like sky dive or drive a NYC cab.
  2. Sing.  I'm pretty amazing and I shouldn't let this gift go to waste.
  3. Pay off my student loans (I just put that up for the feds....them loans are going to my grandchildren).
  4. Take advantage of all that New York City has to offer, below 110th Street.
  5. Tell people what I think.  I tell yall what I think all the time.  I told my last boss what I thought too (and you see where that got me).  But, I wanna do better with telling my friends how I really feel.  No more Mr. Nice Div.
  6. Travel more.  2011 was Aruba, 2012 was Costa Rica, who knows where 2013 will take me...
  7. Wear less leopard.  I'm kinda over it.  (Ahh hell, there goes a third of my closet.)
  8. Write more.  Admit it, yall miss me when I'm not here.
  9. Lose weight, yada yada yada. 
  10. Do something GREAT!  Not sure what that is yet, but when it hits me, I'll know.
What are yall's New Year's Affirmations?

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Crystal Meth-mas

Merry Christmas from my family to yours! (Isaiah 9:6)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Black Friday

So I haven't done one if these in a while for a few reasons. 1) I was laid off & had no reason to get dressed every day. 2) Well, I guess there is no number 2.

Anyways, I wanted to share this outfit with yall cuz it's pieces I bought on Black Friday.  I don't really DO Black Friday, I'm much more of a Cyber Monday gal.  But my sis and I generally go out on Friday around 4 PM, after the chaos.

First, let's start with this blue leopard print trench coat.  It's pretty adorable.  And I got it for 50% off.  (SAVINGS!)  Then I paired it with this fuchsia shift dress.  Now, as a curvy lady, shift dresses look turrrbile on me, so I belted it.  Finally, I paired it with my old steady turquoise necklace.  PS., I'm in LOVE with bright colors and turquoise together.

Ok, there you have it.

Dress ~ Old Navy
Coat ~ Target
Necklace ~ Forever 21

Friday, December 7, 2012

Christmas Countdown: My Grown Up Christmas List

Since I'm damn near 30 (excuse me while I throw up), what I wish for for Christmas is very different then what I wanted as a child.  So, here's my grown up Christmas List:

  1. Chris Brown to get a publicist.
  2. Bacon to be fat-free
  3. Elmo to keep his tickles to himself.
  4. Allen Iverson to get back in the NBA.
  5. Lose 40 pounds without sweating.
  6. The BCS to change to a playoff system.
  7. Bobbi Kristina to get adopted by Iyanla Vanzant.
  8. Rhianna to stop making music.
  9. A husband. (Whoops, did I say that out loud?)
  10. Babysit Blue Ivy.
  11. And of course, world peace.

So what's on your grown up Christmas list??

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Book Review: Kitchen Confidential

Since I watch the Food Network pretty regularly, I already think I'ma chef.  But after reading this book I realize I don't know a damn thing about the food industry, but it is incredibly fascinating.  This book is kind of the holy grail of culinary manifestos.  I'm sure every chef in the last 20 years has read this book and can relate to his book.  As for the layperson, I'm not sure you want to know what's actually going on in the kitchen of your favorite restaurant.  I did learn to not order fish on Mondays!  (Why you ask?? Ehh, I don't wanna spoil the surprise.)

Anthony Bourdain isn't a writer but he does know food.  The book started slow, got good, then got slow again, then good, then slow.  So, it's up to you whether or not you want to read it.  If you want to enter the culinary world, then this book is a must.  I will say this, after reading this book, you'll never look at a restaurant the same again.

Next Up: Mogul by Terrance Dean

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Break Up

Breaking up with your first boyfriend...sad.
Breaking up with your husband...devastating.
Breaking up with your hair stylist...impossible.

Yep, the hardest break up you'll ever have to do is breaking up with your hair stylist.  You tell them your life story, you spend hours with them, you entrust them with your crowning glory.  But when that relationship goes sour, and it starts to effect your hair, they gotta go.

Breaking up with your stylist is difficult cuz it's definitely a "It's not me, it's you" situation.

So, what should you do when you're forced to make that call?  Move.  Yep, the only real way to break up with your stylist is to just pack your bags and move.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Dip Back

dip back (v): to date or become romantically involved with a person with whom you were previously involved.  Girl, you know I had to dip back and I'm talking to James again.

This is another symptom of Single Black Woman's Disease: the dip back.  The dip back is when you go digging through your past and begin dating someone you previously dated.  Is it because yall had such great chemistry? Of course.  Is he still fine? Prolly.  Is it because nothing is popping off in your present-day dating life? Bingo.

See, when there's nothing going on in your current dating life, we single women tend to go back to what is familiar.  You want someone to tell you you're pretty, take you out to dinner, and have an adult sleepover every once in a while.  But, I don't think the dip back is a good idea.  The problem is, your exes are in the past for a reason; at some point yall tried didn't work out, and that's okay.   But just because someone is familiar to you does NOT mean they should hold an important place in your life again. 

So, does the dip back work? Ehh, I don't think so.  I mean, Elizabeth Taylor re-married one of her ex-husbands...but then again she was married 738 times.

Friday, November 16, 2012

One Year Old

Crystal Meth-odology is one year old today.  Doesn't she look amazing!

I have had a blast doing this's sort of become a diary that I share with all of you.  Thanks for following me through all the laughs, tears, and fabulous moments.

So, what's your favorite post?

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Book Review: Catching Fire

Half way through the book I literally exclaimed "I love this freaking book!" And I do.

This book is the second in the 3-part Hunger Games series.  Just like the first, we see hunger, famine, death, class warfare, and romance.  But this book has a new theme: revolution.  As a sociologist (I'ma keep saying it until y'all believe it) this book draws on the themes of the discontent and subsequent organization of the underclass.  Did I just compare the Hunger Games to The Pedagogy of the Oppressed?  Why yes, I did.

Next Up: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Shhh, I'm voting

Don't forget to vote today!

Monday, November 5, 2012


My apologies in advance for the length of this post...I had to purge.

I've mentioned to you guys before that my blog often doubles as my diary.  I share all my thoughts with yall; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Well, in the spirit of being honest, transparent, and telling my truth, I have to tell yall...I got laid off from my job a few weeks ago.

As yall know, I was a special education teacher and then went back to school to get a Master's degree in education policy.  After I got my second Masters, I got a job as an educational researcher.  I wanted to help kids; I wanted to influence policy for thousands of children; I knew that as I teacher I could reach my students, but I wanted to reach all students.  So I took this job and from the first day, I knew I wasn't supposed to be there.  I tried to make the best of it...worked hard, come to the table with great ideas, made friends with my co-workers.  However, no matter how hard I tried, nothing felt right.

At this job, I endured a boss whose sole purpose was to break me and he nearly succeeded.  You ever encounter people who disturb and upset your spirit?  My boss was that to me.  It was clear to me that he wanted me out and when he got the opportunity, he did just that.

So, I was laid off.  I've never been laid off before.  I was more shocked than saddened.  When I got to work at 9 AM that morning, I wasn't expecting to be told at 10 AM that I had to turn in my keys.  This definitely wasn't the job God wanted me to have, but I wanted to be the one to end it on my terms.  I'm still in shock that I'm 28, unemployed, crushed under student loan debt, with 3 degrees hanging on my wall.  (Umm, helloooooo 99%).  But surprisingly, I don't feel bad.

In the weeks leading up to my untimely exit, God was putting things in place to help me deal with it.  I went home for a 4-day weekend instead of my usual 3-day.  At home, I can always regroup and get back to me.  God had me renew my teaching license which had expired 1 1/2 years ago.  My teaching license came in the mail 4 days before I was laid off.  Teaching has always been my first love and I was pretty damn good at it too.

My boss handed me lemons on that Friday, but God had been giving me sugar the whole time.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Fantasy Reality

Do you play fantasy football? If so, you're one of 35 million people who do.  Hey, I don't really have a problem with Fantasy Football, if it'll keep AK-47s out of single mothers' hands in Chicago, it's good with me.  And the League loves it.  Fantasy Football is a gazillion dollar business on top of the trazillion dollar business that is the National Football League.

Actually, I do have one issue with fantasy football...I think it's ruining fan-dom.  Traditionally, you have your 1 maybe 2 teams you cheer for, and that's all that matters to you.  Those players, that quarterback, that's it. In the world of fantasy, you care about errrrrrybody just cuz they're on your fantasy team.  There's no reason a Redskins fan should ever cheer for Tony Romo to do well, unless he's on their fantasy team then all bets are off? Nah son.  

Where it really gets funky is with fans and players.  'Fans' (and I use the term loosely) have gone so far as to tweet injured players to see if they will be playing on Sunday.  Not because they were concerned for that player but because that player is on their fantasy team.  Huh? Nah son.

Basically, just cheer for your team.  Would the Hatfields cheer for the McCoys?  Would the Montagues cheer for the Capulets?  Hell, would Tom cheer for Jerry?  I think not.

Monday, October 29, 2012

New New

Oh, I don't have anything to say I just wanted to show yall my new cut.

...And a close up...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Honey-Mustard Salmon

In my quest to lose half my body weight, I have tried nearly every diet in the book.  One diet that I really liked was The South Beach Diet and this was one of my go-to recipes when I was on South Beach: Honey-Mustard Salmon.  And yes, it is as good as it sounds.  Actually, I'ma give yall 2 recipes in one post.  (Please, contain your excitement.)

For the Salmon:

Honey or Agave

For Honey-Mustard Sauce:

Honey or Agave

1.  Grease a pan with a non-stick cooking spray.

2.  Glaze salmon with honey (I use agave nectar cuz I'm healthier than you), mustard, and sprinkle with Dill

3. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until your salmon flakes on your fork

Now, I told yall I would give you 2 recipes this post, so here is my recipe for the best honey-mustard sauce.  You can use it with this salmon, chicken nuggets, whatever you want.

  1. Take all these ingredients and mix til it tastes good.  

*You'll notice there are no measurements for this just gotta feel it.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Curse of the Celebrity Girlfriend

In sports, the worst thing that could ever happen to an athlete is getting a celebrity girlfriend.  I'm serious.  A celebrity girlfriend is worse than a lockout, getting traded, or a torn ACL.  When these athletes mix with Hollywood, they become more concerned about their next reality show deal instead of getting to the gym to do their job.  Lemme give you some examples:
  • Tony Romo - He dated Jessica Simpson & The Cowboys didn't make the playoffs.
  • Mark Sanchez - He's dating cougar Eva Longoria and the Jets are having their worst season in a long time.  She was good luck for Tony Parker, bad luck for the 3-4 Jets.
  • Lamar Odom - Married Khloe Kardashian, got traded from The Lakers, went crazy, got sent to the D-League.
  • Carmelo Anthony - Well, ask the entire city of Denver, Colorado how they feel about his wife, LaLa Vazquez.
  • Jay Cutler - Dating & knocked up some girl from The Hills.  Wait, is she even a celebrity?
  • Ochocinco - I rest my case.
As a sports fan, I don't like to see Hollywood and the sports world intermix.  It muddies the waters.  Remember when Shaq made Shazaam? Yeah...

Thursday, October 18, 2012

We all have that ONE friend

Do you have that one friend who you tell to meet you at 5:00 knowing they'll show up at 5:30? Or you tell them the reservation is for 7:00 but you leave the house at 7:00 knowing they'll be 40 minutes late anyway?  And how do you feel when your stomach is growling cuz you're waiting for your friend to figure out what shoes to wear?

See, I am notoriously on time, (except of course for work for which I arrive at 9:16 everyday).  To me, being late is disrespectful. It's you saying that your time is more valuable than mine. That you don't respect me enough to to show up when you said you would. That I got nothing better to do then sit outside a restaurant and fake play on my phone in anticipation of your arrival.  

Well, this ends today.  I'm encouraging everyone who has that one friend, maybe two, who are constantly guilty of this indiscretion to forward/tweet/post this to the unpunctual party.  And to those of you who were sent a link to this blog post: STOP BEING LATE! YOUR FRIENDS ARE BOUT TO STOP INVITING YOU TO PLACES IF YOU CAN'T GET YOUR S#!T TOGETHER.

Sorry for the outburst, clearly I need to forward this on to some people myself...

Monday, October 15, 2012

It's never too late

As an avid sports fan and educator, I often see the intersections of these two fields as problematic.  It's usually that colleges and universities put too much emphasis on the sports side and not enough on the education side.  We all know of the Calipari's out there who run 'one and done' factories but the fact of the matter is, most male professional athletes haven't completed their college degree.  Most female athletes have their degrees (and even Masters degrees) as they can't enter the league early. 

Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule:
  • Shaquille O'Neal ~ He's got a PhD.  It's weird, but he's Dr. Shaq.
  • Ben Roethlisberger ~ Graduated from Miami University in Ohio 9 years later.
  • Vince Carter ~ He was criticized for missing a playoff game to attend his college graduation at UNC.  Clearly, some people have the wrong priorities.
So, I'd like to propose a national campaign for professional athletes to go back to school and graduate: "ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO GO BACK AND GRADUATE".  Imagine the effect this could have on the kids who look up to these players.  Imagine how this degree could change the future of retired athletes.  Imagine professional athletes using their off-season to finish a degree instead of getting arrested.  Imagine if the sports world publicly put this emphasis on education.  I think the possibilities are endless.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Rosemary-Garlic Chicken Burgers

This burger is way prettier than the one I made...

Next on the list of 17857893 things you can do with chicken....Rosemary-Garlic Chicken Burgers!

I think chicken burgers are better than turkey burgers because they hold so much more flavor.  I found this recipe from Giada de Laurentiis on the Food Network.  It calls for some fresh ingredients but I used dried (I mean, I'm not a millionaire) and it was just as good.


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Book Review: Money can't buy love

What can I say about this book?  I'm surprised it was written by a "New York Times Bestselling Author" cuz it kinda feels like Tyler Perry wrote it; you's a lil cheesy, inconsistent, and a bit predictable.  This book is about a 40-something, single, overweight Black woman who can't catch a break.  She eventually wins the Maryland State lottery and her life drastically changes but not always for good.

Ehh, yall can skip this one.

Next Up: Catching Fire or The Hunger Games Part Deux

Monday, October 1, 2012

Dorothy. Rose. Blanche. Sophia.

So y'all might not know this, but I am the biggest Golden Girls fan. I've seen every episode, know every word...I love those little old ladies.  They were groundbreaking in so many areas.  They were hilarious, told dirty jokes, and showed us that people over 65 still had sex. (Yuck!)  I learned life lessons from them, including:

Dating: We learned so much from the GGs about relationships with men.  We learned you shouldn't settle and to  play the field until you find that one guy that you can't live without.

Friendship: These ladies were the definition of ride or die.  Whatever they did, they did together.  Not only that, but they would do anything for each other.

Sarcasm: If you can't laugh at with your friends, who can you laugh at with.

Independence: Four women living by themselves in Miami.  They were widowed or divorced and could have shriveled up but they owned their stories and decided to go out on their own.  Respect.

Well ladies, I thank yall for being the epitome of a good friend.

What's your favorite GG episode?

Thursday, September 27, 2012

When did you first fall in love with...


Black people love them some Taboo. We love Taboo more than macaroni and cheese. We love Taboo more than fried chicken and waffles. We love Taboo more than watermelon on a hot summer day.  But when did this happen?  When did the National Black People Game go from Spades to Taboo?  You can't go to a cookout, a birthday party, or a housewarming without someone breaking out this game.  And since when did everyone become the "best Taboo player you'll ever meet."  

My friends and I were recently walking down my block in Harlem and we heard a woman screaming, a dude shouting, and a whole bunch of commotion.  We got a lil nervous and were about to call the police when we heard a man yell "Give me the damn buzzer!"  Buzzer?  They were doing all that screaming and hollering over Taboo? Yep!  It's THAT serious.

Yep, Number 3 on my "Stuff Black People Like" list is definitely Taboo.  (Followed closely by pot liquor at Number 4.)

Now that I think about it, I guess Taboo isn't just a Black people game.  Four Christmases (a hilariously underrated movie) had a whole scene about it. 

The next time you invite me to a party, make sure there's Taboo.  And if you suck, make sure you're on the other team.

Div (The best Taboo player you'll ever meet.)

Monday, September 24, 2012

My Anti-Club Manifesto

::This is my Anti-Club Manifesto::

It seems to me the club has grown up with my generation. Now we call them lounges or after work happy hours or day parties but the message is still the same: Put on your best, uncomfortable outfit & hope a guy notices you.

Well, I'm kinda over it.  And I should be, I'm 20 freakin 8.  When I was young, fun and 21, I would have cringed at the sight of a 28 year old in the club.  I would have commented on her orthopedic stockings, cane, and whatever else I thought 28 year olds did at the time.  Now that I am that 28 year old in the club, even I realize I shouldn't be there.  I don't like the lines, loud music, and the lyrics of the songs these days are just atrocious.

Yep, I think I've officially aged out of the club.  A backyard cookout? Cool.  Sunday dinner with some close friends? No problem.  Brunch? Well, you can never turn down brunch.  But standing in line, paying $20 to stand around and look awkward? Nah, I think I'm over that.

This is my Anti-Club Manifesto.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Evaluate Me

With the end of the recent teachers strike in Chicago, I wanted to jump in and offer my two cents on one of the issues the union was grappling with: teacher evaluation.  Shh, don't say that too loud, it might get you murked in some circles.

Let's do a quick tour through some of the teacher evaluation highlights:
  • Merit-Based pay, when teachers are given bonuses based on their students exceptional test scores
  • Value-Added, when student's standardized test scores are used to indicate the effectiveness of a teacher
  • The US Department of Ed's Teacher Incentive Fund, a competitive grant to develop the next wave of teacher evaluation systems  

As a former teacher, it's not that I'm against evaluation.  As a matter of fact, I think teachers welcome comments on their job performance and ways they can improve.  I also think that good teachers will do whatever they need to do to make sure their students are successful.  The problem comes when teachers' jobs are tied to student performance or, in the case of California and New York, teachers are publicly lambasted for their test scores.  While I do not advocate for bad or ineffective teachers keeping their jobs, there are too many human capital factors (special education needs, family income, living situation, etc.) that go into students and their test scores.

So, here's my suggestion (in case you were wondering):  A certain percentage should be tied to student growth, not test scores.  Another percentage should be tied to principal and master teacher observations, both formal and informal.  And a final portion should be assessed based on the teacher setting and meeting certain attainable goals.  

In my opinion, a teacher's worth cannot be determined by some stanine score on a standardized test.  We must come up with thoughtful and fair evaluations.  After all, is the purpose of evaluation to help teachers improve or throw them under the bus?  

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

All leopard everything

Haven't done one of these in a while so I wanted to give yall a quick outfit post.  So clearly, I'm still loving leopard.  I recently wore this dress to a bridal shower.  It is so gorgeous and so comfortable.  Pardon my hair, my short hair swag wasn't all the way up to par.

Dress: ASOS

Friday, September 14, 2012

My social life vs. My six pack

I'm 28.  I live in New York City. Much of my social life is standing around a bar stool or sitting at a booth stuffing my face.  This gets tricky while I'm on my quest to lose 40 pounds.  Now, am I cool? Absolutely.  Still fat? Yep.

The problem is, I feel like I have to make a choice between enjoying myself, my friends and my city or my six pack.  Don't get me wrong, I want that six pack, hell I'll take a two pack, but not at the expense of my social life.  Now, I've made some strides... gym with co-workers instead of bar with co-workers, snacking on carrots instead of chips, but is it enough?

I know, I'm's probably because I'm hungry.  I'm just tryna figure out a way to be cool AND healthy.

How do you balance your social life and your healthy lifestyle? 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Baked French Toast ~ Lightened Up

One of my favorite recipes is Paula Deen's Baked French Toast.  It's sweet, it's decadent, it has 2 sticks of butter.  Since I'm tryna get my body back, that's a no go.  So this is the lightened up version.  Baked French Toast is great breakfast cuz you usually have all the ingredients you need in your house.

Brioche bread
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1 T. brown sugar
1/4 c. <<Secret Ingredient>>

1. Dice up your bread in 1-inch pieces and place in your baking dish.

 2. Mix your brown sugar and cinnamon with your bread pieces.
3. Mix together your eggs and milk....and this is where you add the secret ingredient...Disaronno*

4.Push the bread pieces down with a fork until they are covered with your milk mixture.
5. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

*Disaronno is an almond liqueur.  You can achieve the same flavor profile using almond extract but using liqueur is funner.  

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I'm not a B*tch or a Ho

Ladies, why do we call each other bitch or ho?  Is it really a term of endearment.

Today, ladies have taken these words and openly call themselves "Queen Bitch" or "5-star Bitch" or "Down Ass Bitch."  It's as if women wear these terms with pride.  But why?  Why would you want to be called out of your name?  Recently, Kanye West wrote a song about his (excuse me while I throw up in my mouth) girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, titled Perfect B*tch.  Well, Ms. Kardashian gushed about how flattered she was.  Is it really flattering? He could have titled the song "My Perfect Kim" but instead he called you a bitch and you're cool with it? Ok.

See, I have a couple of problems with Mr. West's (and others) use of this word.  It's derogatory, no woman should ever accept that as being okay, what are we teaching our daughters about respecting themselves, and would you want someone to use that term referring to your mother?  You see, when I was growing up, we had Queen Latifah reminding us we weren't a bitch or a ho; now Nicki Minaj makes songs called "Stupid Ho" about other females.  Seems to me we're going backwards.

So ladies, can we stop referring to each other as bitch?  It's bad enough that men use that term freely, we shouldn't contribute to it as well.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

"I'm Coming to Visit"

...the famous last words.

Ever since I came to live in New York, I hear those words often; "I'm coming to visit."  I like people.  I'm nice.  I welcome visitors.  But everyone visiting friends in New York, PLEASE. HAVE. A PLAN.

This infamous conversation usually goes a lil something like this:

Friend: Hey, I'm thinking about coming up to New York next weekend!
Div: Cool.  What do you wanna do?
Friend: I dunno.  I just wanna see everything.

::And scene::

This is where the conversation goes bad.  There are 58908908 + 1 things to do in NYC.  Pick something!  I get that under normal circumstances, one wouldn't require their guest to plan their own trip, but here, it's necessary.  What borough do you wanna go to? What type of pizza do you want?  Do you wanna buy a knock-off purse or a real Louis Vuitton? Cuz we can do it ALL!

So, here's a tip for all of you guys visiting your NYC friends: Know what you wanna do.  Or else we gon do what I usually do here...chill on my couch.

P.S. THIS IS MY 100TH POST!! *fist bump*

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Book Review: Bitch is the New Black

This book, by Helena Andrews, is a memoir similar to my BFF in my head A Belle in Brooklyn.  Andrews also talks about her experiences being a young, professional Black woman trying to figure out relationships and careers.  In the first chapter, Andrews describes a relationship as "more than a working relationship, less than a romantic relationship" (genius!  Who hasn't been there?)  Later, she describes our generation of Black women as "little brown girls--drunk off The Cosby Show, sobered up by life" (hey, that's me!)  OMG, she's talking about me! 

While I think Helena's humor is dryer than Belle (also like me), her writing style is sometimes hard to follow.  But I will say, Helena covers everything, even sensitive subjects like abortion, with humor.  So, definitely add this one to your bookshelves ladies.

Next Up:  Money Can't Buy Love by Connie Brisco

Thursday, August 30, 2012


As yall know, I'm single so that means I spend 20 hours a day talking about being single and finding a man.  Recently, my conversations have centered around what I'm looking for and I'm beginning to wonder, do I want too much?  Do I have too many deal breakers?  My ideal man:
  1. Must eat pork. I don't get down with this anti-pork generation.  Make me a honey baked ham glazed with bacon grease.
  2. Must be funnier than me.  And I'm pretty damn funny.
  3. Must work hard. You don't have to be doctor or a lawyer, but you better hustle hard and be the best damn (fill in the blank) there ever was.
  4. Must have good teef.  Cuz I don't want buck-toothed children.
  5. Must not be douchey. I don't care where you got your degree from, everybody's sh*t stinks.
  6. Must be worldly. You gotta be able to talk about everything from Snooki to Syria.  And take me places, an empty passport is a wasted passport. 
  7. Must like to clean.  Cuz I hate it.  I'll do the cooking, but that bathroom will not clean itself.
  8. Must love Jesus.  This one's a non-negotiable. 
So, what yall think?  Too much?

Ladies (and Gents), what are your dealbreakers?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Girls Guide to Football Season

Well Ladies, football season is upon us.  I'ma huge football fan (GO STEELERS!) but I feel like female football fans usually fall into 4 categories:
  • True Fans: These girls actually watch the games, know the players & plays, and possibly have a fantasy team.
  • Groupie Girls: These girls know players, contracts, and away team hotels.
  • If you like it, I love it: These girls talk about football because they think guys like it.  In actuality, they don't know the difference between a LB and OL.
  • What's Football?: These girls don't care about football, at. all.
Since I'm always breaking things down for yall, I wanted to give you the Girls Guide to the 2012-2013 Football Season.

True Fans: So many story lines for this season: The return of Peyton Manning and his broken neck; Lolo Jones' soul mate (Tebow) trying to help make the Jets relevant while the Giants continue to quietly go about their business; the media made rivalry of Andrew Luck vs RGIII; can the Saints rebound from Bountygate?; and finally will an old favorite (STEELERS, Patriots, Packers) win it all or will a "oh so close" team finally put the pieces together (49ers, Eagles, Ravens).

Groupie Girls: You might want to spend most of your time checking the sidelines and learning jersey numbers.  Also, make sure you read reports of who's gotten cut; football players can get cut mid-season & then they'll be unemployed, like yourself.  Also, if they are on Special Teams, their career probably won't last too long...go for a REAL player, go for the starters.  Obviously everyone goes for the quarterback and wide receivers.  If all you want is the baby daddy or to live the "Basketball Wives lifestyle" go for the offensive lineman.  They usually have long careers, make decent pay, don't have groupies like yourself following them, and can protect you from anyone trying to tackle you.  What more could you want in a man?  

If you like it, I love it: Make sure you know which team is playing each other each Sunday.  Also, if you know what city they're from & what their mascot is, you're doing great.  Actually, you can't go wrong cheering for the home team.  Come on, just watch the local news and you should be able to learn SOMETHING about them; a coach, a player, a team color.

What's Football?: Ummm, you might want to get another TV for your household.  

So there you have it, the Girls Guide to the 2012-2013 Football Season.  Are you ready for some football?

Monday, August 20, 2012

The First Day of School!

Yaayyy!  It's the first day of school for your little one!  Aren't you excited?!?  Probably nervous too? It's totally natural.  You raised this child from Day One and now you're sending them off to the big bad world of kindergarten.  As a former teacher, the first day of school is exciting for us too.  We love to see our new students' faces and learn their little personalities.  And you know what makes our year go by even smoother...cooperative and helpful parents.  Here are some DO's and DON'Ts for you first time school-age parents.

DO communicate with your kid's teacher.  If things are changing at home (new sibling, divorce, etc.) let the teacher know.

DON'T think you know more than the teacher.  She has gone to school for education and knows what she's talking about.

DO have a bed time for your kid.  No kindergartner should be watching the opening credits of Leno.

DO read with your kid.  Just because your kid is in school does not mean your teaching responsibility is over.  As the parent, YOU are your kid's first teacher.

DON'T go behind your kid's teacher's back.  If you have an issue with the teacher, address it with her first.  If she's uncooperative or unresponsive, then you can go to the principal.

DO ask to visit your kid's classroom.

DON'T randomly show up at your kid's classroom demanding a visit.

DO go to parent-teacher conferences and open-house nights.  Whether right or wrong, this goes a long way with impressing teachers.

I hope this is a great school year for all you teachers, parents, and kiddies!

Love, Ms. Crystal

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Trouble with Young Black Girls

So, I know yall have been keeping up with current events and TV lately.  With everything that is going on, I have become increasingly concerned about the socio-emotional health of our young Black girls.  It's not that I'm not worried about our young Black boys, but they're fairly represented in mentorships, educational programs (thanks Bloomberg!), sports leagues, etc.  Our young Black girls, however, are getting left behind and running to TV, boys, and social media for affirmation.

Just look at the reaction to Gabby Douglas' hair. This young Black girl just won TWO gold medals and how does Twitter react? Criticizing her hair.  And it wasn't Don Imus with a nappy-headed ho comment; it was other young Black girls.  Is that how we are teaching our daughters to react to the accomplishments of another girl?  By attacking her and tearing down her looks?

Or, you can watch any show on VH1... no explanation necessary.

The images our young Black girls see projected on TV of women flaunting destructive relationships, tearing down each other and allowing men to disrespect them to their face; it's appalling.  For every Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey, there are 25 MiMis and Evelyns.

You know what, they should do a reality show of me and my girls.  They would follow us going to our respective jobs, hitting the gym to keep our bodies right, going to the occasional happy hour to socialize & meet new people, an exotic vacation every now and then, and then us going home and going to bed.  But, you're right, why would you wanna watch a bunch of college-educated Black females when you can watch these women throw bottles at each other's heads??

I say all this to say, we have to make sure that we nurture our young Black girls spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Otherwise, we won't be preparing for the next generation of CEOs, but Basketball Wives 2019.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Olympics: The Best, Worst, and In Between

The worst: London.  Beijing brought it in 2008; drummers, millions of Chinese dancers.  The opening ceremonies this year was the history of London. NOBODY CARES. A James Bond skit about the Queen? Don't nobody care about that either. Even your Queen was bored. London: Worst Host Ever.

My new favorite athlete: Pistorious. A) He's cute B) He's a paraplegic and y'all know I *love* people with disabilities.

The "I told ya so": The USA Women's Basketball Team has won their 5th straight gold medal.  They beat France, the 2nd place finishers, by 36 points.  They also have a 41 game winning streak in International competition.  Can we say "Dream Team"?

The Hoodie award: Serena crip walking after she won the gold medal.

The Dumbest Olympic Sport: Trampoline, Sailing, Equestrian, Race Walking 

The best: The Sex! For the athletes, some of them might not have won gold medals but they were getting it in in the Olympic village.  All those perfect bodies from those various countries all living in confined quarters was a recipe for disaster.  But you know who didn't have a lot of sex in the Olympic village?? Lolo Jones.  And she had a 4th place finish. (j/k Lolo, j/k).

Well, that's my recap.  Hope yall enjoyed it, now on to book my tickets to Rio!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Book Review: Hunger Games

Aight, I'll admit I hadn't heard of this book until the movie came out.  Yeah I'm a bandwagon book reader, so sue me.  Well, at the end of the day, I'm glad I read it.  Twenty-four teenagers are forced to fight to the death on national television until there is only one winner.  This is what Lifetime-movie dreams are made of!  And this book has everything: desperation, romance, class warfare, mythology, costumes, games AND hunger.   Needless to say, I am sooo ready to read the next book in the series, Catching Fire.  I gotta find out what happens to my beloved Kat.

Next Up: Bitch is the New Black ~ Helena Andrews

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Pollo Ajillo

It's another chicken recipe!  Told yall, there are 234809 million ways to make chicken.  Pollo Ajillo translates to, I think, Chicken in Garlic sauce.  Although I'm not really sure, I failed Spanish in college.  Anyways, here's the recipe.  This has a lot of steps but it's very easy to make.

4 chicken thighs
3 potatoes
9-12 garlic cloves
1 c. of white or red wine
Quarter of an onion, cut in chunks
1 T of olive oil
Salt & Pepper

1. Season your chicken thighs with salt & pepper.  Heat oil in pan and brown chicken thighs.
2. After chicken is nicely browned on both sides, put the chicken aside and let it rest.
3. Cut your potatoes into bite size chunks.  Throw them in the pan.
4. On top of the potatoes, place your onions and garlic.
5. Put your chicken back in the pan and don't forget to pour in the sauce leftover on that plate.
6. Add your cup of wine
7. Cover and cook for 45 minutes on medium heat.
8. After 45 minutes, your potatoes will start to brown so rearrange the food in the pan.
9. Top with parsley

This dish is sooo good, I promise you'll want to eat it all in one sitting; the potatoes get crispy, the roasted garlic gets a lil sweet, the onions caramelize.  And your house will smell amazing while it's cooking.  Ooo, think I might throw some pancetta in the mix next time...yall know how I feel about bacon!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Crystal Meth Takes a Vacation

Well kids, it's time for my 2nd Annual Passport Girls Vacation.  This time we're going to Costa Rica!  This makes you sad cuz there will be no posts from me for a week.  To comfort you, I'll leave you with a picture of me in a bathing suit.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Party like a Rockstar

So last week was my birthday and I had the most AMAZING week.  For my birthday this year, I celebrated FOUR times.  I know.  But, I'm a lil over the top so of course my birthday celebration had to be over the top.  So I wanted to give you guys a recap of all my celebrations AND what I wore to each one.

Night 1: Harlem Nights
Yall know I *heart* Harlem so of course I had to start my birthday week in my 'hood.  My friends & I hit up all of our usual spots celebrating along the way.  For this night, I wore my new summer fave maxi with the most amazing print and  I paired it with gold accessories.

Dress ~ Walmart
Earrings ~ SoHo
Necklace ~ Aldo

Night 2: Midtown Lounge
For this night, my friends & I hit up a Midtown hotel party.  I haven't been out in ages, so why not go to Midtown for my birthday.  And because I'm getting so old, this is probably the last time I'll be allowed in a club.  This night, I wore this Black peplum dress (I adore peplum) and paired it with my cobra earrings.

Dress ~ Fashion to Figure
Earrings ~ Bebe

Night 3 (My actual birthday): Surprise Party!

Yay, I'm 28!  (Whoa, I'm 28.)  My day started with cards, gifts and this cookie cake from my co-workers.  I loooove cookie cake.

Later that evening, my friends surprised me with a happy hour in Tribeca, cupcakes THEN a dinner at David Burke Kitchen.  If all the surprises weren't enough, the chef came to our table and took a picture with me.

For this day, I wore this white peplum top (again, I adore peplum) and this leopard print skirt.  Ummm, I looked pretty amazing.

Top ~ New York & Co
Skirt ~ Forever 21

Night 4: Birthdays by Div
For the fourth and final celebration, my co-workers and I hit up a Midtown East happy hour.  I have been blessed with co-workers who are also friends so we always have a great time together.  This night was no different!  Since this was the culmination of birthday week, I wanted to wear something fun.  I think this shirt pretty much sums me up!

Shirt ~ Custom Plus

I had an incredible birthday...thank you to everyone who celebrated with me!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

The problem with the WNBA

Do you know when the WNBA season began?  Prolly not.

Do you know the name of your local WNBA team?  Prolly not.

I'm a fan of basketball.  Period.  I am also the sister of a former high school basketball star, so ladies' sports was big in our family.  We've been ride or die with the WNBA since the very first season, 16 years ago.  However, in the last few years the WNBA has been on an amazing descent into oblivion and bankruptcy.  Lemme tell you a few problems with the WNBA:

  1. The play: Now, while the WNBA doesn't have much dunking, it's strong on fundamentals.  But if you're a basketball fan, that shouldn't matter right?  I'll be the first to say it: people like dunking.  That's what makes Blake Griffin & Amare Stoudemire so popular; not their fundamentals but the flash.  But if basketball was just about the flash, we'd all be lining up to see the Harlem Globetrotters.  
  2. Marketing: The WNBA season begins around Memorial Day.  Just as the NBA is entering into playoff season and professional basketball is winding down, there is more basketball on the horizon!  But does the WNBA market to avid basketball watchers? Nope.  They put their commercials on Lifetime in between a tampon commercial and another Rachel McAdams movie.  And the league doesn't know how to market them: are they NBA counterparts or sex symbols? They've tried both, both have failed.
  3. The season: Well, the season is only 30 games, which amounts to like 3 months.  AND during Olympic years, the league shuts down for like 3 weeks since most of their stars are playing for an Olympic team.  What league you know that does that?  AND not to mention they play WNBA games on ESPN: The Ocho and not ABC or TNT like NBA games.
  4. Lesbians: I don't mean this as disrespect to lesbians.  The problem with the WNBA is the lay-person believes the league and the games are only for lesbians.  Now, I applaud the WNBA for being LGBT-friendly; I think they're one of the only sports leagues that openly welcomes everyone.  But that doesn't mean that the WNBA isn't family-friendly as well.  
Well, I say all this to say 2 things: 1) More people, especially MEN, should start watching the WNBA.  If you're a fan of basketball, it shouldn't matter if the players have 2 X chromosomes or one. 2) WNBA, hire me!  I'll make everything better.  I promise! 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...